Hidey Ho Pooples.

Well I have no idea why or even what to write here.

I visted my SM's grave today, was a little upset that there were no fresh flowers there, but I was there at about lunch so I guess Joel (her partner) hadn't been there yet. Being mothers day, making tomorrow a year since she commited suicide (apologies for any of this as I have just finished my second bottle of shiraz :P ) and I am still so FUCKING angry at her, she had a 4 month old at the time, to a good man, hell the only one of her boyfriends that I have actually considered worthy of her, not to mention how much I miss her. I know hormones and stuff can seriously fuck with a person, but it is just beyond me to understand it, to take the strongest woman I have ever met and have her take her own life.. arrgh.

Oh and guess who the moron is that tought her how to make a noose when we were at school!

well fuck a duck, I only have white wine left.. ahh what the hell it was free wine from a work incentive, so free alochol is always good alcohol. BTW what the hell is with alcohol anyway? some days I go out and have like 2 beers and I'm well on my way to pissed, other I can drink the entire fucking bar and only take the taxi (it just ook me 5 goes to type taxi) because I know how much I've had, not because I feel drunk?

Still I had a good chat with SM at her grave. Talked about all of the things that have happened over the last year, and that I wish she had met Her, and that I wish she was around to talk to about Her, I think the two of them would have been instant best friends, not entirely certain that would have been a good thing or not, I can imagine the kind of talks the two of them could have about me, scarey, though Angelwings assures me she'd happily argue with Her who likes me more as a friend.

Being mothers Day there were so many people at the grave yard the placed was packed, so many people, so many emothions the palce was awash with them, you could feel it just approaching the place, It was quite an impressive site and feeling really, mostly was good feelings and memories of family. Was kind of unexpected feeling for a grave yard.

Oh oh oh and there is a new girl at work that looks Way way way too much like my ex, seriously creepy. Then again my ex is actaully still a good friend and even made me the Godfather of her son. But I have only 1 ex, so have not had the bad 'break up' that most people go through.

hmm that also reminds me, I have started going to the gym a few weeks ago, having started doing meditation and the more I was getting my head straight the more I was becomming seriously uncompfortable with my I own weight (don't actually know what I weight, last time I got near scales they screamed and ran away). So I have been losing weight wich is great (except that all my cloths are now too big, and most of them are new LOL) but is also increases your metabolism etc, what they don't tell you that is also increases hormone levels, I mean damn, I feel like I'm like 16-18 agian, talk about horny!! makes the fact that it has been so long since I have had as much as a kiss let alone anything else stand out!

Well I think I have ranted long enough, I'm gonna have several glasses of water a shower and a pee then head to bed and hope for more then 4 hrs sleep for the first time in like month, that'd make a nice change.