Marriage has got to be one of THE hardest things to maintain. Double that if you have kids together. How I have not failed is beyond me. Sometimes I wish I was better off alone. No, I actually believe that. Because it's all too easy to think for just yourself, isn't it? Where am I going with this? I have no idea. Things are starting to look a little better, but.. doubt has been entered into my mind. I don't mean to be sketchy, but considering my past and present with him, it's got to be normal. There is a delicate balance to things, and I think I do well not to let either side tip.. however.. sometimes you just want to slam the scales down with a loud echoing thud. And throw it across the room :) GR.
I'm sure all normal emotions that go with marriage. The elders here will think I'm an infant.. just going through the phases.. but .. they're still to be gone through.. and I am definitely caught in the current.
Sometimes our differences just really catch up to us and test us. Cultural differences. This last trip to Asia, I just really can see how NOT traditional I am, nor do I want to. I want to run as far away as I can from it. The key is to be positive... cough it out, and carry on as if the world was nothing but rainbows and butterflies.. but... sometimes, it's dead branches with thorns and dark brewing clouds. And sometimes you just sit there, to bask in it.. and wait for the next day. It is what you make it, and right now my mood allows it to be dark and grim.
Maybe that's part of finding the balance to things. To take in the dark as well as the lovely.
The complex cloud that forms when we are on the rocks, brings in storms of some horrible evil. I just need to find all the ways to push them away or huddle through them, before it gets to that point.
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