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I think I'll go back to first person for the story.
I lock the bathroom door behind me and throw myself onto the cool floor. The only light I see is ghostly moonlight filtering in between the blinds which resemble prison bars to my tear soaked eyes which are facing the wall side ways from the way I have huddled myself on my side. My face is hot with pressure and cold with drying tears as it presses upon the tiles of the floor. I feel like my head is a pot of unfired clay that has been dropped upon the floor of a potters studio. That potter must have left in a hurry and shut out the lights, forgetting to clean me up. I hear William knocking from the other side of our apartment's only bathroom door but I won't answer. I won't answer just like my mom doesn't answer when I call her. I've been here for a year and my mom avoids speaking to me on the count that I am living in sin. I won't open the door because the light will hurt my eyes...what I will see before me will hurt my eyes. What I will see is William. He doesn't understand that going to school full time and working full time every day is making me sick. I love William. Things were going well up until I decided that I needed to change jobs. I went to work as a teaching assistant. It was very demanding work. At the same time I decieded to go back to college. My day started at 8 am at work. At 3 I would go home and do homework, then go to class. I would get back from class at 9 or 10... then I would go to bed. I didn't sleep though. When I would lay down to sleep I would cough. I'd wheeze and cough if I laid on my stomach or back. I coughed so much my back hurt, my ribs hurt. So instead of laying down, I would sit up on the couch with the T.V. on. I'd lean my head back just enough to sometimes fall asleep sitting up. William didn't want me to go to bed anyway because my coughing would keep him up. So at 1 or 2 am usually I'd be able to drift off on the couch if I was lucky. Then when my alarm went off in the morning I would carefully and quietly get ready while William slept. He didn't have to be at work til nine. Every morning at 7:45 I would go to William resting peacefully in my no longer inviting bed and kiss his sleeping face and whisper I love you William, goodbye.Sometimes he would sweetly say goodbye, sometimes he would turn over and groan. I would then rush off into my daily fanatical ritual. I open the door after a few more sobs. William takes me in his arms and tells me to calm down. This scenario plays out a lot . We were fighting over cleaning the apartment. It was the usual problem. I couldn't do everything. I couldn't clean because I was extremely busy and sick. William didn't believe I was sick. I was getting worse because it kept snowing, and I wasn't eating much or sleeping much. William and I used to spend weekends together. He started spending time with his dad most weekends. We didn't spend any real time together anymore. A year into living together and William won't wash dishes. Everytime I say I am going to pack up my stuff and leave, he cleans up everything and surprises me when I get home. He tells me he will do better, and begs me to stay. This happens at least once a month. I see myself, working and studying. I see William working. I see William acting strange. William will get very illogical when I talk to him. I get tired of listening to him rant about things that seem pointless to rant about. He tells me about his friend, Mark. His friend Mark hears voices. His friend Mark sometimes gets very confused. I tell William that Mark needs to get some help. William always has a justifiable defense for Mark. My coughing gets to the point where I can't breathe. I wheeze with every breath. I feel so tired. finally get a doctors appointment.
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Posted by LivesLikeLife on 2008-07-20 01:14:57 | Rating: | Views: 56
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