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I cant believe it has gotten to this point with her – we were best friends not too long ago, we caught on like fire – laughed for hours, talked for hours. Now I had to start working with her and screw that all up? Lets just say she doesn’t have to work, her husband can carry the load because he makes more than enough – she doesn’t even know the exact amount of money she earns in their joint account, she doesn’t even have her own card to access it – she lets him do all the budgeting and she wastes money like its going out of fashion. Me and my partner are saving every little penny and are making big sacrifices so that we can benefit in the long run with the new business we are starting. Every time a homeless person bangs on her car window she gives them change, like quite a bit of change and anything they ask – like if she is smoking in the car at that time they will ask for a smoke and she will give it to them and any cool drink or what ever they ask for she will give. I don’t have a problem with it because she has the money to do it, what I have a problem with is when she makes me feel guilty for not doing it. I am trying to support myself and am living on credit cards lately, money here and money there EVERYDAY adds up to about R200.00 a month, must I now budget for the homeless people as well? I stopped smoking so I could save money, I don’t buy all the things I want I make sacrifices and I must give money to ppl and who says they buy food with it anyway? She makes me feel so obliged.
Not just that, Ive realised a pattern that has happened with her lately – every time I complain to her about someone or something she defends them right away. Yes I believe in looking at both sides of every story but she only defends the other side, she even defended my father when he went against my relationship with my partner because he is of a mixed race. She tries to rationalise everything. I’m starting to wonder if she doesn’t really like me as a person? Like she looks down on me and my life choices? I’m also wondering if maybe she is not racist against my partner too? Ag I really don’t want to deal with something like this. I think I might have been blind? All the signs are showing and she is so arrogant, she never gets to deal with life her husband always deals with the money or anything worth stressing about and she floats on a magic boat through life pointing fingers. She is the kind of person (but only with me) that always plays devils advocate, can never just be there for me to support me? Its always “but maybe he meant it like that?” “or maybe you misunderstood” – can never just be there for me when im in a crisis or when im concerned about something. Puts me straight off speaking to her because if she ever thinks im going against her – she gets very defensive and does not stop so I just let her “win” every time instead of having a battle out. I think I just need to leave this job and take a break from her.
So shit that things panned out like this, is it abnormal for siblings to get on well?
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Posted by Lisa20 on 2008-03-05 00:42:37 | Rating: | Views: 64
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If I have a 3 minute conversation with my brother, then, that is pushing the boundaries for us both, is that normal? For me and my brother yes, for others no. I am not sure if there is a normalcy for families, you take what is good and bad and you use what you can. It sounds like Lisa, you know what you want and where you are going. This is your sister, love her for who she is and her faults, but dont confide in her, when you want to vent, go to someone else, when you want support and love, go to someone else, now when it comes to your sister, start working on a relationship that means something to you. Dont give her the things that you know she will simply throw back in your face and hurt you, give her only the part of your life that she wont hurt and then you can build a better relationship. As for the homeless, if you dont have the money to give, why would you simply do that? It brings you no joy, it brings neither of you benefit, but if you are thinking, she is right, I need to go out and help someone, why not shift the tables, anyone can give money, if you are so inclined, give up a hour of your time to help a charity like the homeless and when your sister says you are not funding them for there lifesytle you can agree, but then you can say, but I stop what I do each week and I give them a hour of my time to help them get through life, to expand and learn, rather then funding there lifestyle which may only help bring their down fall, so, we each help in our own way. If you dont feel the need to help the people in anyway, then dont do it, its as simple as that. Make a choice that suits you, and stick to that choice, your relationship will get better with your sister, if you just avoid giving her food for her criticism. As for leaving your job and going to another, if you are ready to move on, because you have acheived all you can at your current job, then go for it, but if its because you want to avoid your sister, I am not so sure its a good idea, you need to do things that make you happy, family are in our lives not by our choosing, but by genetic luck! How we love and accept our family and what kind of relationships we create with our family, really does come down to use, change the way you associate with your sister, and you might find that, you will start loving her more. Either way, good luck.
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Posted by landdownunder
on 2008-03-05 12:33:26
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thanks for the advice, nice to know that im not the only one with sibling problems, i guess that people do change and i cant cling to what she used to be or what i perceived her to be - and you are right i have been giving her too much amo, way too much power. i have decided now to just keep things light between us. its just that its hard for me to accept bcos me and her were so close, we both got on very well and would chat and laugh non-stop when we were at get-togethers and functions. i think she might be a bit dissaproving of the race of my partner or something. i think its causing the wedge and i just dont want to believe its true before. but hay we cant change ppl? and i guess its my own future family that i need to be worrying about right now.
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Posted by Lisa20
on 2008-03-05 23:41:36
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