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ive never been the skinny girl, i have an hour glass figure and im a UK size 10/12 and wiegh 60Kg- its not in my genes to be skinny, i dont over eat alot and i do exercise regularly, i know all of this but why am i still obsessed with being stick thin? why do i want it so badly?
i know that most men dont find stick thin woman attractive (no offence to naturally thin woman) - i know this but why do i want to be size zero? i know that its unhealthy to eat less than 1000 calories a day - then why did i try to survive on 500 a day a while back? i know that it would not be healthy for me to weigh 45kg but why do i want to? i know that people die from anorexia/bulimia but why am i so addicted to browsing through the "pro-ana" sites? what the hell is wrong with me?? why am i so obsessed? its not like me - i am an intelligent and mature person, i dont know this other person that obsesses over exterior things and is so shallow and harsh - what the hell? i was never like this before? yes ive secretely envied thinner girls but i have never grilled myself about my weight so much - i have never thought about it so much day in and day out - i accepted myself for me.
i need to get out of this addictive dark rut - its not me, it doesnt suit me and i know it. i feel like im letting myself slip away - how can i change this - do i wait for the phase to pass? what do i do? |
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Posted by Lisa20 on 2008-03-05 05:47:13 | Rating: | Views: 60
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Are you sure your obession is really about your weight? Usually eating disorders stem from elsewhere - control issues. I had an eating disorder in high school because I was pretty miserable and thought my weight was the only thing I could control. I don't know what to tell you but I hope you can learn to appreciate your hour glass figure - I am sure others do :)
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-03-05 10:59:06
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im embarressed about what i said yesterday - im in a better place now that i can understand what i was going thru, i think its because im an "HSP" - highly sensitive person, i was starting to get addicted to these really unhealthy patterns of checking out the "tips" on pro-anorexic sites, i read their stories/blogs and how they confided in one another, i dont want to be anorexic dont get me wrong - im not starving myself or anything - but im getting sucked into their world and their lives and their ordeals - ive actually begun to feel miserable about myself, i obsess about what i eat and how much i weight every 5 minutes (literally) - almost as if nothing is more important to me anymore - i wanted that control that they have - and i feel like i went from being empathetic to letting myself slip away. i have done it before when i was given a book on "Profiling serial killers" for weeks i would watch my back - look and observe everyone that passed me - i felt the victims "pain" as such, my main problem is that i take on other peoples feelings and emotions - it might sound crazy but its true, if someone is having a bad day next to me and are complaining about it - i feel what they are going through and end up feeling agitated myself. through life i have been trying to block myself off others, i get exhausted in crowded areas becos i take on everyones crap - people are very negative in general and i feel their "negative energies" on a higher level than most and it ends up draining me, for a second there i almost lost me - but am on the road to self-recovery now.............. excuse the "moment" i was having
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Posted by Lisa20
on 2008-03-05 23:33:51
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