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| Between a rock and horrid debt. |
So I deleted all my old stupid blogs and I am now getting a fresh start. Here I go.
I have started the college search.
I know. Congrats to me.
In the beginning, I wanted to go to Seattle, to University of Washington. It was my life goal, my dream. But I had accepted that it was basically impossible for myself and my parents to send me there. I accepted it, and moved on. So I looked elsewhere. I searched long and hard.
I visited my first college.
I got a headache from just seeing that much corn.
So I searched again and visited again. And here's the thing: I did not want to go to this college. My father pushed and pushed and pushed the Univserity of Iowa on me because it had "a fantastic English program." I knew that...I also knew the price and size of it. And I decided I wasn't going to go there.
But, my father dragged me out to visit it and...
I fell in love. That place is God's gift to this green earth, or at least to me. I was convinced that this was the school to me and I could not go anywhere else. My father knew the price. He knew what it would cost to take me there and he was happy that I liked it.
Then we get back home.
I am told its too expensive. I am told I can't get enough scholarships to pay for it. I am told that I can not go to the one place I have wanted to be.
Bull. Fucking. Shit.
I was upset. I refused to speak the back-stabbing father I had. The Tearer of Hopes and Dreams.
Then my friend told me I should go to her college. She's going into the same field, so I gave it look. Then I looked at my other friend's school. Both were very nice, and VERY cheap. I was going to go to one of those. I had decided it was between Winona and NMU.
Then I hear my father say "It's going to be expensive either way." Apparently he made a 180 and decided he would let me go. Well now.
Here I am.
Stuck between a rock and horrid debt.
Should I go to the school of my dreams, the place I felt so right in?
Or should I go to Winona or NMU, both places with a a very good friend of mine, and very good English classes (cheap too)?
Its a hard decision, but I chose the cheap schools. I chose staying with my friends and staying out of debt.
Ba ba. Ba ba. This is the Sound of Settling.
I have settled, I know. But this is what shitty economy and iffy parents do to me.
Now all I have to worry about is how annoying my friends think I am for following them? I feel like they will see me as clingy, like I can't move out on my own.
I can. I wanted to. It was the plan.
Until I came home from Iowa.
Now I am just...settling.
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