Hi...we know how my words lack eloquence when spoken verbally, so I thought my written word would be more sensical and potent for my purpose.
I can't pretend anymore. I grow weary of this game we are playing.
I can't do this anymore.
What do I mean? I can't pretend to be your friend anymore. It's too hard for me now. Too many emotions have been invested into this futile situation, and I need to back away.
My hand is tired of holding out my heart to you, waiting for the chance you will take it in your grasp.....but you never do. You never will. My heart has collected too much dust, and it's suffocating.
I care more than you could ever know, so much so that it's killing me from within.
You make my heart beat so profusely with joy, and so much with pain at the same time I can't bear it anymore...
I don't want to share you, and I don't want to bare the thought of someone else revelling in my joy. I can't do it.
I can't be your friend, a sex toy, without being able to call you my own.
Okay, I'm selfish. I admit it. I don't want to share you.
I can't share you.
I don't care about circumstances - I don't care if I'm going away, I don't care if you have things to do - none of that matters to me. Yet, you use it as a barrier.
And each brick you have used to build this wall is another weight on my suffering heart...
I can't take being with you fleetingly, hoping hopeless things, all the while knowing I was never enough for you, knowing that I'm disposable to you when you are a golden light to me.
You are so blind to how I feel - I don't care about money, or career, or houses, or cars, or fancy dinners, or anything like that - all I wanted was you.....
But I'm never enough.
I have to say goodbye.
I cannot exist knowing you, touching you, feeling you, when all the while you are oblivious to me....
....there's always me....
Goodbye, Wonderboy.
Yours, truely...
.... Lex xoxo
(ps: wouldn't it be fantastic if I had the balls to actually send this? Sigh.)
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