It's okay not to be happy all the time.
Duh.
That's life, we all know it, we all know that there's highs and lows.
Obviously, I'm at a low point right now. And I'm going to feel emo if I'm feeling emo.
Yet, I know that things will get better. And it will.
So, what has peeved me off is a friend of mine getting "pissed off" at me (in text format) for essentially not being happy.
Now, although I've been a whiney bitch in my latest blogs on here lately, in real life I've been trying hard not to let my melancholy be too evident. I mean, you look at me and it's obvious something is up, and I'll admit to feeling like shit, but I get on with it.
This friend messaged me asking if I was going out tonight, and I told her no, that I was staying home to rehearse for the audition tomorrow.
She replied: "Whaaat? What you doing that for? Why did you go out last night then? What's wrong with you?"
Excuse me?! I explained my motives for auditioning, and told her that it's stressing me out and I need to rehearse so I won't chicken out. Hence, why I'm staying home.
She then went on a speel, basically saying "why the fuck am I doing something I don't want to do?" , "you've become one of those people you used to make fun of", "stop thinking about life so much and just have fun", "a musical won't make you happy", blah blah blah, continuing to insinuate that I've changed.
This has peeved me off. I'm sorry, but if I don't feel like going out then I'm not going to go out.
If I feel stressed out and melancholy, then I am not going to go out and pretend to be happy when I'm not.
Sure, last year I was a carefree party animal who didn't care about anything else - I partied every weekend, would go to work incredibly hungover, wouldn't care about anything but having a good time.
Now, I'm trying to get my act together. I realise that I can't party all the time, I need to work out my future, I need to think of things that will not only make me happy and change things, but those around me too.
What's wrong with me?
I'm trying to be more responsible.
And yes, in doing so I have fallen into a deep melancholy slump, but that's okay.
I'm not okay. But I will be.
And don't make me feel bad for feeling bad.
I'm stressed, I'm sad. Deal with it.
I own my feelings.
And I know that there is light at the end...until then, I'm not going to pretend.
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