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Excuses, excuses.
Need an excuse for something?
Bet I can think of a perfect one to suit your needs.
Seems that I have been enlightened to the fact that I'm really good at making excuses - not in a kniving way to get out of things, but moreso for people. Essentially, making excuses for the actions of certain people to manipulate myself away from the cold, hard, truth.
I keep trying to justify things to give myself a sense of deluded hope, or in attempt to see the good in things and people, where in fact there isn't.
There's always the looming "buts", "woulda", "coulda", "shoulda" "maybe"...'s abounding the situation, which always leads me to make excuses...
I realise now, that I'm always full of the "but he's going through stuff", "he is a nice guy, but...", "deep down I know something's there...", because I am distracting myself and giving myself reasons not to accept the truth.
Because the cold, hard, truth sucks balls. And it hurts. And who ever wants to willingly accept something that hurts them? It's like sticking your hand on a hot stove...which, this whole thing has pretty much been me having my hand on a stove and being too retarded to take it off, but anyway...
I need to stop making excuses for him, or anyone else that I tend to do it for, and accept that people are how they appear - douchebags.
He is a douchebag who has played with my emotions, led me to water, and then belted me over the head with a big mallet of disregard and disrespect for my feelings.
There is no excusing the fact that he is a poisonous toxin in my life that needs to be removed - I don't care what he's going through, what I'm going through, what I think I feel deep down....none of that matters.
All that matters is that I'm being deeply hurt, and nothing can excuse that.
Following that note, I havn't messaged him for a week, and don't intend on messaging him again. Although, I'll admit, it's hard - and not the wanting to see him, not wanting to get laid, but the actual caring for him part - I genuinely care and would like to know how he is going this week with everything....
But then I have to remember that he hasn't contacted me at all, so it's ludicrous that I should invest time and thought into someone who doesn't do the same for me.
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