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| My Response to Yet Another Political Email (humor)
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(a little long, but sure to have you laughing by the end)
While I agree with the overall message of this about being appreciative of what you have, I just think the way it was presented was lousy. (Assuming the Jay Leno we all recognize actually wrote this at all.) My response to this. Noted below in red.
-Leeto
On Wed, Jun 11, 2008 at 9:06 PM, person@email.com wrote:
Jay Leno on President Bush (Surprising)
Jay Leno wrote this; it's the Jay Leno we don't often see....
As most of you know I am not a President Bush fan, nor have I ever been, but this is not about Bush, it is about us, as Americans, and it seems to hit the mark.
'The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some Poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right?
The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the President.
In essence 2/3 of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change. So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, 'What are we so unhappy about?''
A.. Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 Days a week?
B.. Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?
C.. Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job? Wait! Where did this statistic come from? If that's true, I'm paying way too much to support the 4.6% on welfare. Or are we referring to 95% of the 2/3 that are unhappy? By that math, that means that nearly 40% of Americans are unemployed, which is really disturbing that almost half the country doesn't have a job! Or are we including children in this figure, which if we are, they're most likely unhappy because they didn't have that cupcake after dinner because they didn't finish their green beans.
D. Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year? Which we will later learn was the cause of our various forms of cancer and health insurance will cover none of the chemo. I guess it all balances out...
E.. Maybe it is the ability to drive our cars and trucks from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state? Exactly how big is your wallet?? And who gets time off from work to drive across the country? Well I guess if 40% of us are unemployed than what the hey, right? So then I guess by that math, I should be paying more for people's welfare checks so that children without cupcakes can drive aimlessly to California.
F.. Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter? Define "safe." I got mugged by a 4ft. cockroach last week.
G.. I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough either. Last I checked, we ship tons of our "American Food" by way of helicopter with a nice red cross along the side of it to those starving countries, so I think they enjoy foregin "fine dining" as well. We are not unique in this sense except the patrons don't tip.
H. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital. Of course they do. Have you seen the bill from that? Why make a sale, when you can just TAKE your customer?
I.. Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. 90% of the people I know don't even own their car!
J.. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames, thus saving you, your family, and your belongings. Or if you live in Iraq and your home is invaded by soldiers from another country a group of trained vigilante's will attack with AK47's and grenade launchers that they got for free. Which, let's face it, is WAY cooler.
K.. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss. (A lone officer with the fastest response time in the history of burglars. Sounds like a set-up to me.) And lets not forget that the original perpetrator will eventually sue for damages to his face during his arrest causing these "super hero" police departments to lose money and requesting more money from the mucipality/state which of course just comes from more taxes. How bout this; you just come when I CALL you and not to jump the klepto who crashed my house party.
L.. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers. Have you watched the news ever?? There's raping in the military. Only instead of "pillaging," we refer to it as "robbery." But I guess "pillaging" does sound more 3rd world and seems like something alien to us. We own cell phones, sure, but in many other countries 90% of teenagers own M14's which, again, is WAY cooler!
M.. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world. We have that priviledge cause 90% of us don't kill the other because they don't believe in what we believe. That's called "tolerance" and "maturity." When you can accept others, you can have that priviledge as well.
It's really not something we bought at a store before you got there...it's just something we learned how to do: like riding a bike. Don't get mad at us cause you never tried.
Maybe that is what has 67% of you folks unhappy. It's actually 66.66% but eh, 5/4th's of you are confused by fractions anyway. :)
Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S., yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here. Actually there was originally a study done in France which indicated Americans were the most unhappy citizens in the world. However, this study was later found to be skewed and biased. A later study confirmed that Americans are just as unhappy as everyone else is in the world. However, I'm sure us passing along fowarded emails which bash ourselves as a population doesn't do too much for our self-esteem. As for the last part, the people who are most passionate about the Lord are those in Iraq walking around with M14's and AK-47's. Which, last I checked, were the same people, who don't have what we have and suffer "pillaging," "raping," etc. Are these people seroiusly happier than Americans? That's quite an argument your making, Chain Letter.
I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks? The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Could it be we hired the village idiot to run everything? Maybe the title of this should be 2/3 of Americans are stupid. Which would definately explain all the unhappyness and the inability to figure out why. See, Jay? I have a theory and I didn't even need to alphabetize it.
Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show? Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad? Think about it......are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the 'Media' told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day. Make no mistake about it. Are you telling me that my family member who died in the Trade Center or cousin Ronnie who's in the military and lost his arm in Aghanistan never happened? Oh thank god for bad TV. I guess I went to that funeral for nothing. (Makes me wonder who was in that casket though.) I'm sure all those firefighters who were in the wreckage on 9/11 and are now complaining of mesothelioma are just a bunch of hypochondriacs.
The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general''discharge, an 'other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig. Are you sure the "media" didn't just TELL you they volunteered? I've heard some bad things about the "media."
So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Did this statistic just jump up in the last 2 minutes?? Wow, I guess chain letters are now displayed in real-time! It must have sensed my disdain for crappy statistics.
Say what you want but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? Michael Jackson would...and very intently, might I add. The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend their actions by 'justifying' them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer (innocent until proven guilty, no?) like OJ. Simpson to write a book about how he didn't kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way......Insane! I think he's just trying to prove that he doesn't fall into the 2/3rd's of idiots and had he done it, he would have done it in a much more intelligent way. Nothing like proving your innocence than by explaining a better way to commit something you were accused of, I always say.
Turn off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as country. There is exponentially more good than bad. We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day, or at least be thankful and appreciative.' 'With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, 'Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?' Hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control...flooding...family and friends are dying in foreign countries, and now Newsweek and the NY Times are lying about it? Not to mention, I'm paying way too much for Welfare. You're right, Mr. Chain Letter, I should definately just be happy and not give another thought to that little kid who's selling Lemonade on the corner and not paying any income tax.
Jay "big chin" Leno
Please keep this in circulation. There are so many people who need to read this and grasp the truth of it all. One problem. Those that are dumb enough to fall for it, aren't smart enough to READ!
I shall end this with a quote from one of our "great" leaders:
"Fool me once, shame on you, fall me twice...well...you shouldn't fool me at all!" -G.W.B |
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Posted by Leeto on 2008-06-25 14:19:41 | Rating: | Views: 71
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