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Surviving is not how I want to spend the rest of my life.
I do okay, until I talk about something to someone and I cry tears I thought I was done crying. I can't make anything happen, but I want to be walking down the path I need to be on.
His mom told me I need to have people pray for me to have the joy of the Lord so I can smile and have fun. This poor person doesn't get to see me happy because it makes me sad just to be around his parents! I told her I know exactly why crazy women go back to abusive husbands, because all he'd have to say is, "Why don't you just come home?" He wouldn't even have to apologize or say he'd never do it again, I would go home. But I would have to leave again if he did what he did before in front of our son.
I assumed he wouldn't date until he finalized his divorce. The things I've said in my head that he'll never do all has to do with being faithful to me. "He'll never use pornography" "He won't date while he's married" Nothing else he's done surprises me.
Don't criticize me for grieving! I'm still walking, I'm not quitting, this is monumentally difficult and the only reason I'm still upright is God. I need more time. But I also want more peace in my heart.
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Posted by Land14 on 2007-10-30 10:19:08 | Rating: n/a | Views: 104
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