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| I didn't even wanna go there..
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but I can't help it... I don't know what to do anymore w/ one of my friends. Let me start out by saying that I don't have many girlfriends at all. I live with all guys. I hang out with guys all the time. I don't know if it's me or if it's because i'm not like many girls in the sense that I don't USUALLY (caps because some times I really really let little shit bother me) let things bother me. I blow things off and what not like most guys do. I don't really hold grudges because I usually confront my problems when they come about.
Lately I've haven't hung out with any females.. it sucks sometimes. Lets face the facts.. Women and Men have a diffrent frame of mind and diffent ways of thinking... and even though It hurts that I need my girls, I've just ignored it because. i'm going through some things and I don't have any girls that care enough about me or problems to be there. I've only hung out with one girl besides this saturday. Cheree.... she comes over often, to just hang out and make dinners or to just smoke a quick bowl on the way home and what not. She's the one person in my life that even if we don't see each other for a couple weeks She'll make sure to call a couple times a week to check up and see how things are... She is also one of the only people I call because when I call anyone else... they either don't want to talk or don't want to hang out... anyway Cheree's like me... she's got her mind straight, she knows what she wants. If I do anything to bother her or hurt her feelings.. she talks to me about it or we talk it out and things are fixed. It's hard for me to have friendships if they arn't like that. I know that I can be difacult, I know people don't get me... but I've never been one to not be completely 100% honest about anything or everything and sometimes people don't know how to handle that type of things... I get it. I understand... but I can't change me.
Anyway, I miss feeling close to some of the girls I have been close to in the past.
One of my friends for the last 6 years goes through these stages... once a year... every year.. since we've been friends she'll go a few month out of the year ignoring me, not calling, not trying to hang out... now I could see if I pissed her off or if I did somehting hurtful to her this being a good reason to abandon me for months. Every yyear same hting though... and every year I stalk it up to 'her going through one of her moods' then when she starts coming around again, I just fully welcome her with open arms. She's gone through a lot in her life and I completely understand that. So a couple weeks ago she slightly opens up to me about some issues from her past that I guess have been haunting her... I totally get it. COMPLETLY 100% Get this.... what I don't get is when I try to relate to her about my similar stories how she clams up and doesn't try and comfort/relate/give opions...
I've never been one to turn my back on ANYONE, let alone a friendship I cherish.. and I do cerish this friendship.
I just don't understand how she could keep doing this to me... or why she keeps doing this to me. I'm ready to give up and it's not fair because I need her as much as I know she needs me. It's not right to me though. I have days were my past HAUNTS me, I have days that I need nothing but a hearing ear and a shoulder... but when I need anything, I feel like I hvae to ask and no one is there to offer it.. It's hard when your low to pick yourself up sometimes we just need someone to reach in that hole and give us a hand.... I do this everytime I'm with/talking or see her... How come she pushes my hand away... when I need that same hand... when I need someone to come by and try for me.. It just hurts me more.
She tells me she sit in all the time and doesn't talk to anyone... bold face lying to me. Whats the point?
I don't know what to do... but I'm hurt and she doesn't seem to care.
I need someone and she's not there
Friday night she seemed fine until she got that text ... then a complely diffrent person. Why because he doesn't like you and you still try... you still get up everytime he pushes you down... but will deny my hand, someone who loves you and cares about you... you push me out of the way for him? I would NEVER do that to you. My boyfriend cherishes her friendship and ask her to be apart of all the big things in our life... yes we got lucky and found each other early... but thats not always how life goes and who's to say that him and I are forever anyway. I can't say that... no one can say that. He may not be my forever, but our friendship is suppose to be... and now...
and now, I'm ready to turn my back on that. I'm ready to walk away from it all because I'm so hurt, sad and angy by the way Ive been treated.
All I have ever done is try and have a good time and be there for my friends....
what did I do wrong?
where did I go wrong?
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Posted by LadiLucifer on 2007-12-17 14:00:19 | Rating: | Views: 51
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You didn't do anything wrong, some friends are like seasons in our lives, we hold on when we should let go. A friendship is a give take. When a person is doing all the taking, fuck them! You deserve to be happy and have friends that give a shit. She sounds selfish.
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Posted by shannatucker
on 2007-12-17 14:52:43
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