Well I'm not, i'm upset and possibly being very selfish!

I want one!!!!

I'm with some asshole who doesn't want anymore!!!!
He's bouncing off the walls, it's his first Grandchild. I am happy for him, don't think i'm sooo horrible.
I've bought him a lovely 1st grandchild card. I've even gone all out made a beautiful baby hamper for his daughter, got a personalised card, bought flowers, clothes you name it!!!

I'm not sooo bitter!
I just deep down wish it was me................

Don't get me wrong this relationship is too turbulent to bring a child into even if he even wanted to.

I really wish sometimes i hadn't met him but then saying that i wouldn't have found the best person in my life my ultimate best friend and soul mate.  I just wish things were maybe different, that i was with the man that i deeply believe is my ideal man or that the man i love (when he is not treating my like a door mat) wanted the same things as i do!

I have to go visit her tonight and i'll have tears streaming down my face for the baby and how beautiful it will be, and for the little twinge that i have inside my so sick stomach at the thought that i want the perfect little being thats wrapped in the blanket all tight like cotton wool. I never let on to anyone how i'm feeling apart from my soul mate, because he understands. He too would love a baby, he just happens to be with someone.

So i have very mixed emotions today i a feeling happy for my partner and his daughter and the new baby but also i feel deeply sad thinking about my own life decisions and what i want and still i can not have.

I will get them one day i'll get married and hopefully have children!
I will meet someone who loves me for who i am and who will put up with my outspoken opinions and my emotional insecurities!!!


I suggest i go see how beautiful the baby is.