Ok, so this weekend was the shit, but all spiraled down towards the end. Well, lets start from Friday, Sam, had a party for his birthday, i got there at 4, didnt go into Efims until 8, then it was all well and done, got stoned as hell, 4 blunts were going, and a pipe!! anyways, We all fell asleep, and i woke up in the morning, and i felt as if i needed to shower, and i was gonna meet Justin downtown anyways, so i left, and my phone was dead, so i could call anyone, and i got on the bus, and went home, washed up, and grabbed my charger, and ate a sandwhich, cuz i had the munchies, then i got on the bus, and took off,I get a call from my mom, bitching me out that im leaving again, so i decided to not answer her calls, cuz all she was doing was trying to make me feel like shit that i was out with friends.... i was gonna go downtown, then i got a call from Justin, saying that he wasnt ready, so to just meet him at the north transfer center, so i was like ok, so i got there, and we chilled for a bit at this guy's LB's apartment, we smoked a bit of weed, and then later that night, it was like 9 or 10 pm saturday night, we got the hook up for some speed, we smoked alot, and then Justin and I were talking and he told me he likes me, and wanted to be my boyfriend, which ive been talking about Justin for quite some time on here, so i was like YEA!! Then it was like 7 or 8 in the morning, havent slept, and havent eaten, and feeling pretty fuckin weird, so we somed a bit, 10am sunday morning rolls around, me and justin were laying on the floor, and he puts his arm over my ear, so i wouldnt get scared of the things that were being said, and he jumped up, and said to go for a walk, and he grabbed my stuff, and we took off, as of what ive been told, they were tweaking, and saying shit about justin, and i think Justin was a bit on the paranoid side, so we got on a bus, and during that time, all im thinking about is speed, i thought of it, i smelled it, i tasted it, my body shaked, so im stopping meth for a while now, but we accidently got on the wrong bus, so we went to tech ridge, and went back around back to the North Transfer Center, and then Adam, who is one of Justin's roommates who we hung out with all night, and we were gonna go down to Eeyore's downtown, but we decided to hang out with some of Adam's friends, and we smoked some weed, and then went to a place called "DobieCenter" its downtown, i had NO IDEA its been there for years, its like a underground mall, i was like what?!? thats cool!!, so then, me and Justin wanted to leave to G-man's house, and we got there around 4pm, and stayed till like 10, then thats where it all went down hill from there, my mom was yelling at me, and Justin was by my side, and comforting me, like a boyfriend should do, and then my mom shows up all skitzo-crazy-bitch she-man!!! and she was yelling at me, complaining that i have a respect problem, and i treat her like shit, she makes it sound like Im going out of my way to beat her on a day to day basis, which isnt true, and she accused me of having sex this weekend, which i didnt, that was just her accusastion, and what she wants to beleive, i almost cried infront of Justin, i didnt want to do that, so i held it in good, then, she yells out asshole to my boyfriend, she has NEVER liked anyone i actually have interest in. So i dont even care anymore, i beleive its all about my happiness, and what makes me relationship happy, shes found that already, i have now, he makes me feel unique, and kisses me like he means it, NOONE has ever kissed me like they mean it, i finally found someone who makes me happy inside, and my mother ALWAYS makes me feel like shit, over and over again. She just wants me to be her, i dont want to be her, i want to be my own person, and she just doesnt understand, its like her brain doesnt comprehend that, it has to be her way or no way, and frankly, im tired of it all, i wish i could just leave and make my own life, but i have nowhere to go, and im still in school, once i graduate, and August comes around, im soooo out of there, i really want to be on my own now, im tired of being treated like a spek of dust all the time, my feelings dont matter to anyone in my family, i hate it, i really do, justin, and g-man are the only people who understand me, and will actually listen to me, and fully listen to me, noone else does that, anyways, i get to Giddy-ups for Sam's birthday, and I kept giving him money for more beers, he turned 21, and i wanted to get as much as i could out of him, cuz the truth comes out when your drunk, so he gets all mad, and then sad, and he finally told me that he's the one whose been telling my mom everything, everyone im with, i didnt know all this, its all sam's fault! I actually trusted him with my secrets, and he's told her EVERYTHING ive done, including drugs. And he was telling me that i need to quit everything im doing, and stop drugs completely, he's saying that me, and Efim are heavily addicted to meth, which we arent, its only like twice a month, if that, but he is the one who was tweaking, and convulsing, demanding a blunt or a bowl of meth, and he's the one who is addicted, and has a drug problem, we are strong, and know how to control that shit, he doesnt, and since he's addicted, he thinks everyone else is addicted too, when in reality, its only him, then Rebecca jumps in, and tries to yell at me, and thinks she knows everything, I went live on that bitch, i made sure that bitch started crying, and i made sure she knew how i felt, and she left, i still wish i had kicked her in the face, i wanted to so badly!!!!! i foot was up, and her face was right in my line of kick, and I still cant beleive that sam would do that to me, i trusted him, i thought he was MY friend, but apparently not, he didnt get me, so he subconsiously wants me to pity for him, and since his life is bad, hes willing to make mine hell on earth, because i turned him down and got a boyfriend to make him understand, but NOOOOO, i get home, and I really Hate Sam right now, When i get a chance, he's goin gof my top on myspace, and Im blocking him from calls, and he better not try to talk to me ever again, Im just in disbeleif that if he cares for ME, and MY feelings, he went and told ALL my secrets to my own MOTHER!!!!! Well, Im gonna have to talk to Efim and Logan first, and find out what the real deal is, not a tweaker's, Meth feen's point of view.
I miss Justin alot already, i want to cuddle up with him soo badly! Just cuddle, and have him comfort me, and listen to me, I hate this shit, I have 2 other unwanted people absolutely in love with me, Sam's Schizophrenic obsessive ass, and Billy, he's obsessive too!! I cant wait to move out, Justin can move in with me if he wants! I'd gladly let him stay there!! We are supposed to rent a hotel next weekend, and spend time with each other, and hang out, I kinda get this feeling when Justin kisses me, like he's in love with me, and looking at his face, and looking into his eyes, i feel there is more than just boyfriend and girlfriend, looking into his eyes, i can see as if he is inlove with me, though he hasnt said it, i can tell, i just kiss him ,and I can tell he feels more, and im so glad that he does, because even with Ryan, i was in love, but when i kissed Ryan, there was nothing there, with Justin, i cry to the fact that i found someone who actually makes me feel so good, I dont want to loose him, and thats what im mainly afraid of, being my mom's situation, she just doesnt like him, and wants nothing to do with him, but i actually do feel ALOT for this guy, not even Ryan made me feel so good inside, he's sooo perfect for me, and i just dont get to see him often enough, i probally wont see him until like Saturday, once a week, until August, i just hope that we are still together come August, then mabey we might even be together for a while, im not jynxing it or anything, i guess time will tell, and i hope that kinda time is kind enough for my feelings. Anyways, my hormones are going crazy, i bust out crying thinking of everything about Justin, and how much i feel for him, But i got to go, ive wrote like 3 chapters of my life right now.
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