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Sometimes I just wake up and feel like yesterday's events were just a dream and that I am imagining things, does any one else get that? I guess its kinda hard for you to understand where I am coming from if you don't know what happened to me over the weekend so I'll try my best to explain why I'm still in dreaming mode!
I saw H on Thursday night as I mentioned in my last blog and we had a great night and I felt like I was on cloud 9 once more, just as I do every time I see him. Well, he came round on Friday night again just to see me which was nice and didn't leave til 3/4am Saturday morning. It turned into a bit of a drinking session, which often leads to a conversation of truths and emotion. We was being happy and all, me sitting on his knee, us laughing and tickling each other until my mum decided she was in a mood. I won't go in to detail of what happened but the main part of her mood was using permanent market across my bedroom door saying I'm basically a slag and a spoilt brat.
H remembers it from years ago as I do and has seen it all himself in his family but he really hated what my mum did to me that night. It wasn't so much what she wrote it was the fact that I had to use bleach and old rags to scrub it off my door on my knees crying my eyes out. He couldn't say anything as it is my mum, and it isn't really his place but he treat me wonderful all night and just basically made me feel like someone did care. He kept telling me all night what I meant to him, that he would always be there for me and that I could always live with him if things got any worse. Well, live at his dads, seeing as H is pretty much homeless himself right now.
He held my hand and stopped me crying and stayed until the early hours just so he could see me smile before he left. He told me himself how much shit he would be in for going home that late when he was supposed to be home at midnight, but like the brilliant friend he is he said standing by me was more important  . We had a few kisses and talked about our pasts, I told him some secrets I could never tell anybody else and we just talked... it sounds so stupid and pathetic but everyone needs someone to talk to now and then and although I have really great and amazing friends there are some things best kept secret.
The shock of the night was what he said when it had got to around 2am. We were both extremely knackered, sobering up as the beer had stopped hours ago and he just looked at me. I'm not comfortable looking into people's eyes and can't look at more than one person in a group conversation so being paranoid I asked him why he was staring at me. He said to me 'I love you'. So, naturally, of course I was like 'WHAT?????' so he kept saying it over and over again until i calmed down. I didn't say it back as it didn't feel like the right moment, after all I felt belittled and humiliated by my mum and I didn't exactly feel all that loved. He just kept repeating it, begging me to listen and to believe him but I didn't know why he would say such a thing. You see really, he had only been back in my life 2 weeks since he left me devastated a few years ago (which I now know wasn't his fault, he had to move due to family problems) so why was I going to believe he loved me... this is me after all. He explained to me that although he had been with his ex-girlfriend for 2 and a half years and he thought he loved her, and was obviously upset when she cheated he explained how he felt. He told me he thought about her when they were apart, but not as much as he misses me and thinks about me when he hasn't seen me. He told me that when they kissed he didn't feel anything but he feels something when he kisses me. Its hard to explain something as delicate as this on a blog to be honest, and its hard to persuade a complete stranger that he did mean what he said. H has never lied to me before, and he never would so I believe that he meant it plus you can just tell if your the one they like/love. The way they look into your eyes and the way their face lights up when they see you.
He left me soon after that, about an hour or so later as I had to be at work early that morning and I really needed my sleep and he had to help a family member out that day so he wanted his sleep too. We left on good times and he kissed my forehead and just left saying 'Goodnight, I meant it'. Then blew me a kiss and rode off on his bike. I couldn't sleep that night, I felt so high on life.
Then came Sunday, I could go into a vast amount of detail about how amazing last night was but I wouldn't like to bore you with the facts. Alot more sweet things were said, a lot more kisses exchanged and I received some really sweet heart-felt text messages off him. He met me after work and although he was late it was so worth the wait. Sunday was so much more amazing than Saturday but like I said earlier, some things are just best off keeping secret. That way I can hold on to the memories myself and treasure them more, that way I don't have to share my memories to the rest of the world and they are my own. He said some amazing things, wrote me such a sweet note and made me laugh all night. We danced to a song we once danced to in our childhood and we both smiled throughout the night. We held hands, kissed and the ordinary things that couples do... oops did I say couples? That's because he did the sweetest thing ever last night and said something so amazing and then asked me to be his girlfriend, and of course I said yes. He has asked me a few times secretly, but it was too soon after my ex and too soon after his so I said no, but I didn't this time. After Saturday I just knew he would look after me, and I just felt so confident that it was right. I text a few friends, asking their advice as to whether I should say yes or not and they said to go for it, so I did so now we are officially a couple. Me & H, so early to decide our future but when you have a past as concrete as we do its really hard to destroy. I might be naive in alot of things, but I'm not naive in this.
I really, truly, honestly from the depths of my heart think he is the guy for me.
♥ Kris ♥
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Posted by KrisNC on 2007-09-24 06:13:58 | Rating: | Views: 110
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Yay for H the boyfriend!! The start of a relationship is so exilerating (spelt right? Not sure)When something as ordinary as holding hands puts a smile on your face days after the event.
He sounds like an awesome guy and I hope he keeps you smiling for years to come.
P.S. In response to one of comments in my posts - wait for a while. When you eventually do it with him it will be more amazing than you could possibly imagine!!
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Posted by HornyLittlePoker
on 2007-09-24 20:00:49
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Thanks, I'm totally in a whirlwind with it all at the minute, and I can't believe that he is actually my boyfriend now :]. Thanks for continuing to read my blogs though! x
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Posted by KrisNC
on 2007-09-25 01:46:53
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