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I just can’t seem to shake the feeling that somehow I’m all alone in this world. Ever just sat at your computer, was halfway reading a book or even just walking innocently and suddenly feel this empty feeling just engulf you? Or maybe it starts off as a niggling in the back of your brain, eating away at your soul until it has your full attention? Well, I have. It’s not a pleasant feeling at all. I’m supposed to be taking my HSC this year, in a few weeks actually… but I lack a willpower I might cry over my results to a lousy math test but I sure as hell wouldn’t do anything about it. The following is merely meaningless babble which I am indulging while procrastinating and avoiding even last minute cramming and study. It is also good for venting stress (try it! For those poor stressed students who are ACTUALLY working unlike me…) I am surrounded by two types of people, those that are millions of times more hard working than I am and those that are even lazier than me which actually makes them quite amazing people really. Also I happen to be surrounded by either geniuses or talented people; my closest friends either have an extraordinary IQ or are blessed with either artistic or musical talent. A few lucky ones possess both the brain AND talent. Well, now you know a little about myself…well not really but you do know a little about my friends which in turns tells you a little about myself so I guess I’m not completely off-track?Anyway to tell you a bit about myself, I’m a short (but not VERY short) Chinese girl who has long black hair and bleached highlights (which I’m trying to grow out but hair grows so slowly when you want it to grow…) and oh yeah, I’m overweight. This point is very important, my own brother calls me a walrus, my dad, a pig and mum calls me disgusting. My wonderful loving relatives go a lot further than that because they ‘care’ but it doesn’t stop them trying to make me eat that last bowl of whatever food so they don’t have to get takeaway whenever our families eat out. My friends insist I’m not fat (Thanks guys, I appreciate it, but you haven’t seen me naked…I have.) though the offending flesh just bulges and strains against my clothing. I also have very poor hygiene (wonder if that’s to do with my crappy self-esteem) I don’t make an effort to try look good well, not much anyway. What’s the point if I get told later that I’m too fat to look good? Furthermore when I was taking pictures with my mum and she showed her friends later they told her jokingly that she was more beautiful than I was. Of course mum relayed that bit of info back to me and that just made me feel wonderful. Maybe I should have a go at anorexia or bulimia? But I’m such a failure I probably will fail even at getting sick; I love my food anyway so that’s destined to fail. Anyway have a good day strangers I hope I made you feel better about yourselves now that you know that:
1: You’re not alone OR
2: There’s someone worse off than you OR
3: See? Family isn’t so important after all OR
4: See? Your parents/siblings aren’t so bad after all eh?If even one of you felt a little better or felt a little less lonely and that the empty feeling you have (Which I mentioned earlier) is a little less hollow and the hole smaller…then I am happy that I was both able to de-stress and make someone feel a little better at the same time. Well I’ll be going now I’m getting too lazy to type more and I just don’t feel up to it anymore… This is probably the first and last time you’ll ever hear from me! (if you even care…)
P.S: Am I Emo? Maybe, I actually don’t know what that fully means, maybe it means suicidal? Regardless~ I bid thee adieu~
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Posted by KlutzWithDreams on 2007-09-30 06:29:00 | Rating: | Views: 110
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I agree. Blogging does have its benefits.
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Posted by SubTomato
on 2007-09-30 06:55:34
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Emo? I don't know who started that word, now it seems to be popular to have that name in your life at the moment...I loved your post, please keep ventin'... :D
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Posted by olp76
on 2007-09-30 06:59:00
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Hey
Thanks for the post
Please dont try and get an eating disorder..they arent fun.
I cant believe your family would say that...its not right because they are the people that are supposed to love you most.
Tough problem.
Hope you post again, good luck.
Becky
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Posted by bLou88
on 2007-10-03 17:39:12
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