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I am getting there - no thanks to you pesky rids. So, we're all connected, not you. Something psychic's happening, ditto. Spirits are trying to help me see through the confusion, and I'm kicking the shit out of them in my head and remembering that I've thought a few times that things that seem shit are actually telling me something very important; that said, I still want my digital camera back, it was a free listing day on Ebay today and I've got a few old smocks that need dealing with.
Had someone quite advanced in the process this morning, either that or they were just possessed young and caught up fast. Reminded me what a blessing it is to have learned the things I've learned, I'll recap for those who aren't - and may never be if you're lucky - fully fledged members of the fraternity; and if I'm honest, I have to imagine that includes most famous people, seeing as you've got a little gang going and seem to back each other up and let people in on your knowledge before they have to go ferrel - or go ferrel because they're lost, confused, ashamed, whatever - we all have choices, an easy statement to make when you're through the rough terrain. Basically, everything is everything and matter doesn't matter - well, it doesn't short term when you're gargling on the fountain of youth and truth, but who knows where we'll be eventually; let's face it, thing's are gonna get messy and blurry and very overcrowded and middling if this carries on for much longer. Anyone who hasn't earned their stripes, Iapparently you can pass absolutely anything on; traits, talents - in a way that is deemed to benefit or detract from the original character - looks, body bits, poo - everything's covered. This can be very distressing when you finally realise that you insidiously became someone that you really never wanted to be, and really don't remember yourself being. You get emotional, you kick up a fuss, you repeatedly let it be known that your menstrual blood's never smelt like that before and you're really, really sorry - it disgusts you too. Then you realise that someone's does and they probably wouldn't feel great if they ever heard that. It's true, I became by my teenage years someone who was quite OCD about cleanliness, so whenever I have a clean out now I can't quite believe the way things are, and I still find it difficult to cope with the mess, but everyone's got their different views and priorities. And some of the body stuff the the previously clean and tidy young lady would never have experienced first hand could seriously be a manifestation of ailment that needs seeing to. Same goes for not being able to believe how annoying or boring or droney I'd been at times, and feeling ashamed and angry with myself for falling from the perch I'd lived on because it was who I wanted to be - hearing racism's an obvious no-no, bit I couldn't believe it when I'd realised how I'd just stopped considering other people's needs and become so judgemental, went through a stage of being really angry with people for infesting me and making me that way. Blame game was much less fun than being insane. Couldn't stand getting 'ugly', having my body ruined, being shrunk in the middle of nowhere into a prosthetic leg that didn't fit and talking hours to hobble home on bone and tissue that was never intended to bear weight on a solid surface - not looking too stylish in the process. All these things angered me, why did I have to be shrunk, at least if other people morphed when they unmorphed they'd still be in one piece. I'm guessing people who make a living out of their looks can relate to that. Couldn't write without my rhythm, couldn't enjoy life in the unhappy people, couldn't get manic anymore started to hate myself, starte dto hate everyone else, hated myself more for being so full of hate, went through the gamut of emotions, mourned and recovered from all the losses along the way, only to be resubmerged in someone unresolved to start all over again, realised what I'd had, thought it wouldn't be too much to just get something simple, like the things I was born with; I mean, all these rich, beautiful, famous people had been blessed to, and still kept most of what they'd had before from what I could make out, was it too much to want my quite pretty face that reminded me of my family and try to conduct myself in a good and decent way and have fun in my downtime, at the end of the day, there were many people prettier, cleverer, wittier, more creative, more stylish, more everything than me, I wasn't asking for much. And then I'd get to the point when I'd give myself a slap and remind myself how lucky I was to have learned what I'd learned, and to know for certain that there was more to life that physical mass and that we were all one. Meaning, that no-one has any right to look to another eprosn and covet what they have, because we have it on some level - so I couldn't judge anymore, because I'd been that person for a while, I'd never wanted to be, and if I'd known what was happening beforehand, or been conscious while it was happening, I would've fought against it, but do people really ever want to be bitter or lonely or considered to be a long way from the aesthetic ideal around them. Remembered that we're all valuable, we're all God, kept backing and fourthing because if you th]ake the argument to its logical extreme, there are no heroes, there are arbitrary standards that we set ourselves and enforce by harnessing forces of various natures. What would be the point. I'd always known that part of what had always helped me in my work was exuding positivity, but if everyone could access it, then there's no need for that. Then I could do some of the creative things I'd always wante dto do, but that's unreliable in the current climate. And what would you ever be falling in love with while people changed and so did you - if nothing's permanent in space and time, you couldn't plan fo rthe future; why train for years to wake up a different person tomorrow, why waste your money on clothes that might not fit or suit tomorrow. But then maybe it was just me, maybe my mind had got unruly and although we were all ne in terms of consciousness, we really did have quite distinct temperaments - but when consciousness shifts throughout the population, children will grow up accessing vast knowledge in an instant and become wise and contented at an early age. Presumably, over the course of a few generations you could do away with a lot of the negative traits and patterns that've built up over time, and maybe learn new ways to dela iwth fear and anger. I'd never understood envy, I got the first part, the jealous bit, but I'd just v=been lucky e=nough to have been brought up not emitting too much destructive energy, I'm worried and accepting that that may've started to happen through this process. But in the future, presumablty there'd be no need for it. And if you could will looks over time and heal everthing, people wouldn't die - but then you'd run out of room for new children.
So much to think about, why weren't people sharing this, it was relevant to everyone. You can literally learn to love yourself through this, you can also experience things you wish you hadn't - and spit bile at people for feeling things you didn't want to feel, in conjunction with loving the other extraordinary feelings that passed your way. All blamed each other for the traumas, when I for one cant be sure how it works - an idea takes hold and that's the explanation, but it's the creation and exacerbation of it too. Probably do pass repressed memories about that free float in the big consciousness because they're not labelled by their owner. No-one wants to be seen so maybe people do sort of think it's ok to unconsciously will it elsewhere. No-one wants to lose their gifts, same thing perhaps - but while people protect their already numerous entitlements, this knowledge is still kept secret, and still has the potential or massive harm. Obviously if you take the arguments to their conclusion, humanity's communal and not everyone has the same agenda, so while oit seems abhorrent to me that people wouldn't flag this up straight away and share it with everyone to help and protect and raise people's awareness, other people have a few levels to go before it's all let go. I've made my choice; I'll now know what I already knew and came to terms with on its most basic level straight after the event: it's not physically attractive to have a prostehtic leg, and once people find out it puts them off; my hurdle was accepting people seeing that if I couldn't learn to control the visuals, although I'm actually more bothered about being seen on the toilet, especially when you get stuck there next to somone morbidly obese witha diet of pig fat and gristle while they strain in vain. Now I'm over that hurdle I can go ahead and tell people knowing full well that I'll never be seen as being someone graceful or attractive eventually, because at some point you'll be caught in next door's kecks with a muffin top eating peanut butter straight out of the jar with a knife. I can appreciate people want to protect that, no-one wants to lose their dignity, it was one of the things that made me me - and one of the reasons taht everyone's got a right to know, so they can be aware and have people around them be aware so that if they start to slip people canmake sure that they don't create a load of iatrogenic issues to work through. But seriously, if we don't work things out together people will suffer needlessny. Today I'm sporting someone pregnant belly, potentially someone's cancerous lack of appetite and what looks like someone's bulimic knuckles; so what do I do? Eat healthy food for the sake of the one's who might need the nutrition, but this would cause other people stress, which is likely to be just as damaging all round? And waht about this amount of energy potentially flowing thougha developing foetus? All of these issues come high up on my list, but who am I to impose my views on other people? Just another person, but I think people at least deserve all of the information, especially when it concerns them directly (which ultimately is everyone), so they can do whatever they need of want to do. It is a pantomime, all of it - this is probably why the music industry got so disposable, and why talent shows cropped up, unconsciously audiences probably enjoy the joining together of consciousness and collectively willing the results. And that includes handing Dani the dud card, trust me - no-one wants the bin role. I was brought up to be responsible so I will have to talk about it publicly and tell people, frankly I'm very shocked no-one already has, but it's up to them I suppose. I don't know why anyone ever associated with me's here, but I suggets it started with making use of natural links and exploiting the power of fame. Pure intentions no doubt help, but none of us can pretend to be aware of what goes on at an unconscious level - I think we all know how bad it can get when people are sleeping and vulnerable to free flow. I really am a puppet nowadays, and I really do think the spirit world helps out a lot - it made me feel dead when my libido went, and I assumed it must be someone stuck in me, but I'm not sure t wasn't just turned down when abuse started flying anywhere to try and curb damage done. My heart goes out to anyone else who saw and heard and felt some of what went on in here, t was original trauma for a lot I'm sure, but also more evidence for the resilience of people, I know some of the people that got through and I've seen them since and they seem ok, I know a lot of it washes out when it didn't come form you originally, but for some people the same things leaked through repeatedly and they still stand tall every day. Talking about turning down, I rarely hear through, so I do wonder if people constantly hear and see it as a way of forcing the issue; sometimes you have to go to extreme lengths and cause some harm to prevent further harm. And we've all been abusers in here inadvertently, by virtue of harbouring people who developed abusive natures and by not making this issue public so people can be aware that their privacy's intruded on on a daily basis - you can't stop people from looking, and I appreciate that that must be a massive worry for well known faces, but by not letting people know that we're inadvertently invading their privacy (including me if you can see and hear people I know that I haven't told yet - although I've still got no proof and I don't want to be sectioned) we abusing them ourselves, you might keep it separate form sexual abuse in your mind, but it's still an abuse of power - and liking the power that this affords people, even if there are massive downsides, might well have more of an effect on us than we really realise; a lot has been gained as well as lost. Unfortunately I've been quite blessed in my life so I've mainly lost so far, and I know I'm not alone. And, ultimately, I don't blame anyone for anything, we all have to make our choices and prioritise. I didn't used to morph, I really think you morph when you really need to know something, and I suspect it's when you become a link with a potential influence, so you need to make sure you're responsible - but I really don't know. Where do you draw the line? Never drink, smoke, eat anything potentially unhealthy to anyone, never have sex in case it traumatises someone or it's perved over? For me, draw the line at the most vulnerable and adjust accordingly. And I really don't feel entitle dto do whatever I want in my own head given the potential consequences for so many people. And eventually people will probably just slip in nicely and enjoy the lights and learn all of the things we've learned and not have to go through this, but no every one gets the path they wanted in life. This isn't meant to sound too preachy, and you probably mostly know it all anyway, but just in case I'll share on the off chance. Clearly there's no running for me, this is it for now. If you found a way out, congratulations and make the most of it :)
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Posted by KickInK on 2009-11-15 15:05:29 | Rating: | Views: 23
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