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| UGH! |
My brain doesnt seem to want to function. Stupid thoughts keep running through my head, questioning my sensibility, wondering if what Im going is right, walking myself through the same things and scenarios over and over... I dont know if I can take it any more. My heads going to explode.
I dont exactly know what Im doing but I know its what I want, what I need. I can hardly focus on simple things tasks like tying my shoes. I cant sleep at night but I'll pass in and out all day. Even though Im happy I cried myself to sleep last night. She pushes it too far. Barking orders at me like Im her slave. At 11:30 PM she was still asking me to do things for her... Even though she knows I have to get up at 5:00AM for work.
She walks in, gets into bed and puts her hands behind her head, like shes worked so hard. She doesnt have a job but ill tell you what she does have... a gambling promblem. She spends over 60$ a night at bingo. If she doesnt have the money to go she either borrows it from me or sits in her room in the dark and blames every one. Like were to blame that she doesnt have the money. If shes not at bingo, shes at the casino.
I know its really the only thing she does to get out of the house but Im sure there are cheaper things that dont risk us losing important things. If she wants to spend all the money, what ever, but dont get pissed off when theres no money for other things.
If she needs the money, I loan it to her, even if I know its for Bingo.
Its so stressful having to walk on eggshells because she cant go out. Thinking about telling her what I feel makes me sick to my stomach.
Since waking up this morning Ive had this feeling of being lost, and longing for silance. It isnt normal... Not for me anyways.
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Posted by Kendra_Trixx on 2009-11-02 22:33:31 | Rating: | Views: 4
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