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Running

    I ran last night.I ran so far and I pushed myself until my legs were numb and my throat burned for air and water. I didnt stop until I couldnt take it any more.
    When I finally did stop to catch my breath I was dizzy so I didnt realise I waws standing in the middle of the road until I almost got hit by a car. I started running again. For some stupid reason I started to cry while I was running.
    Between the tears and the cold wind snapping me in the face I couldnt feel my cheeks.
    All the thoughts of two days ago, plus the new ones from yesterday had my head racing.
    My mother literally told my friend that she didnt care when I wanted. (Her choice of words werent as nice) What do you say to someone when they tell you they dont care if theyre daughter is happy? Shes on a power trip. Every little thing she does pushes me that drastic edge; Moving out.
    Im going to talk to my cousin tomorrow. Ask her for some advice since she move out young too. Alot younger then me but still...
    I dont really like my job anymore. Its been two years, the same people, same routine, same brainless work. I think Im going to quit soon and look for another job. Maybe in a book store. I like books.
    I dont know, do I need all this change? does any one person deserve to take their life and flip it a complete 180 degrees? If they can, if I can, should I? Am I being selfish and/or greedy? Am I making this too much about myself? When should I stop? How can I have what I want and not hurt my mom in the same time? All these questions and no anwers.
    My dad is somewhat ok with the whole me moving out thing. His words were 'I dont know if its such a good idea but I know you and you're going to do what you want anyways. Just be careful.' And I know my dad well enough to know when hes being serious, and that was one of those times. He wasnt mad, or upset, I guess he just realises that its was going to happen sooner or later... Unlike mom...

Posted by Kendra_Trixx on 2009-11-03 17:34:30 | Rating: