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| I Realized I Have No Idea About Anything
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I was lying in the bath, reading an old paperback novel that I know i've read before but couldn't remember anything about, when I realized that my life is truly something that I never could have imagined. I've been living with my parents for the last two months, after 4 years of college almost 2,000 miles from home, and I just realized that my life will never again be what it once was.
I had an amazing childhood, and middle school and high school were fantastic. College was like I never would have imagined. I've changed so much from the person I was back then. I loved that person, there are times when I wish that I could be her again, that I could have the tiniest bit of the confidence that I once had. That I could feel like I did then. I was so happy living day-to-day. I read my trashy romance novels, and I watched my horrible made for TV movies and I loved my friends and social life. Everything was comfortable and easy and fun. And now... well, now I have no idea what will happen. I have no idea what to do, where to go, what to want or what to hope for.
I've never been so lost before.
There's only one thing that I know I want, and even that, I feel, is behind me. Because I'm stuck at my parents house with no where to go and no idea of what to expect.
I want to move on and figure out my place and my routine, and at the same time, I want to stay, forever, right where I am. Because it's comfortable. Too comfortable, like that 12 year old hoodie with the thumb holes that I'm still hiding in the back of my closet. It's old and ugly and falling apart... but it's familiar.
I'm so scared of what will happen but I know I need to get the hell out of here.
I'm so sick of crying myself to sleep every night.
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Posted by KelseyK32586 on 2008-07-22 02:03:26 | Rating: | Views: 48
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Dear KelseyK32586,
Hey girl being lost can be half of the fun in finding yourself. Your just looking at it from the wrong angle.
Hell there are people in their fifties having to move back in with their parents because of the economic times, so don't let that be a measure of yourself.
Having things that are familiar does make it more comfortable, but you can't go back, and you can't stay stuck here in this time, so why not put on a new pair of glasses and go see what awaits you in this world.
Don't worry about not knowing squat about life, heck I'm really really old and I still don't know squat, but I can't wait to see what's around the next bend.
Taste, touch, love, and live life that's what life is all about.
Give the good things of yourself to the world and stay true to yourself and you'll have no-worries.
Trust in people only a little at a time so your not taken advantage of and then share yourself with others. Show them what you have seen and be a good friend when listening to their problems and you will find someone to share you most intimate secrets with someday.
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Posted by jwcj
on 2008-07-22 02:40:29
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wow...scary how i read those words and felt that i could have written them myself. they sounded like me exactly...things i think but am afraid to admit.
we'll make it through it though. have faith.
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Posted by chromebubbles
on 2008-07-23 00:02:47
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