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Hello

I realized, as I was sitting around doing nothing, that I haven't so much as considered writing in over 2 months, and I don't want to stop writing. Even if it's never interesting, or helpful (to me, usually) or even well written. I want to keep writing.

I haven't done much of anything in about 2 months. I hate it. It's not for lack of trying, there are no jobs available (i'm not going to work retail straight out of college as long as money isn't a worry of mine, since i'm living with my parents, i have very little need for spending money, except my few small vices)... anyway, I'm bored.

I'm waiting to hear back from a job as an assistant teacher at the preschool i went to. It'll be interesting to see how that goes.

I haven't seen my boyfriend in more than a month. It really pisses me off. I mean, i understand that we finished college and had to figure out what to do, but we're both sitting around alone and bored... I just don't know why.

I miss him more than I even thought possible. I miss everything, I miss my friends and the home we made at Skidmore. I miss picking up my phone and less than a minute later having something to do. I miss sitting around doing nothing with the people I love.

I realize that everyone who goes to college has to leave eventaully, and that when we do leave, we leave our whole worlds behind. I just wish that I had left it for something. I'd give anything to have that last week back, to have it to do again... I didn't know how good we really had it.

I used to criticize people for doing certain things alone, drinking, drugs, sex... :OP not so much the sex thing, but I used to think that you were horrible and addicted for smoking pot alone, or having a beer at the end of the day by yourself. But now, that I have no one to do it with, well, I cna't criticize anymore. If I'd been without pot the last 2 months I would have probably killed myself, seriously...

I'm miserable and lonely and I need to do something with my life.

I just don't know what.

I'm going to try writing poetry again. It's been years since I have. Maybe I'll have a few that I want to share in the near future... we'll see.