Thoughts.com Blogs - 10/18/2007

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10/18/2007

Another day has gone by and a new one has begun. I'm sure this new day will be full of new challenges but I'm not sure I'm ready to face them. All I really want to do is crawl back into my bed and sleep some more. It seems lately I never get caught up on my sleep. Maybe because when I do sleep at home it's not a peaceful time - when I slept at B's this past weekend I felt excellent the next morning and felt like I had actaully slept.

I'm in class early - it starts in about 1/2 an hour - and we have a test today that I didn't even begin to study for. I'm good at doing spreadsheets but throw them technical terms at me and I don't have a clue. You would think our tests would be on our abilities to create a spreadsheet not what technical terms we know. I doubt seriously that any employer is going to come and say I want you to use the Font Tab in the Edit Menu - it's just DUH. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way and I honestly can't wait to get out of this school and get back to a "real" school. Not that this one doesn't have it's advantages but I think perhaps they should test people a little further before placing them in certain classes they aren't prepared for or classes that are quite honestly a waste of their time because they are knowledgeable already in that area....

Anyway, I talked to B last night online and he about floored me.... he promised me a better explanation of what he was trying to say today so I'm here waiting for it ... it has to do with something about him having nothing to offer me (not that I asked him for anything but for him to be himself) and me being better than him ?!?!?!

In no way am I better than anyone ... I'm just me. I'm just an old lady trying to better the future of her kids by getting, finally, her education and hopefully a great job with good benefits and a nice pay rate. That's it - it's not about me, I'm nothing - I have so little to offer that is "normal"... I'm an emotional roller coaster (which can be fun) and I have some serious self doubt issues... It's all about bettering life for my kids. And I think part of that would be me being happy ... but I could be wrong.

Ok, time to close this up so I can take my test that I'm going to do horribly on because I refuse to memorize technical terms for the functions of a spreadsheet - try having me create one and I'd pass that with flying colors