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I just want to say thank you to those who wrote.
Death is an odd thing to have to think about, which is why most people don't. I try hard not to think of it but its been staring me in the face for a while now. Before my diagnosis with my cancer, I never really thought about death... it was something that was going to happen someday...someday in the very distant future. Then cancer came and I had to take a closer look at my life. Now when I do somthing, I have to think about what effect it will have on the future. If the doctors are right, I have another 2-4 years to live. My goal is to reach 65, both my parents died within two weeks of their 65th birthdays... my goal was always to beat that number... I wanted to live to at least 66. Now, my goal isn't so lofty... now I want to make it to 60... just to beat the doctors diagnosis. I'm 53 now, my 60th birthday is 6 1/2 years away. Its a good goal and with luck, someone will find a cure for multiple myeloma by then? I can always hope... right?
I recently adopted a kitten... and before I could do that, I had to make sure there was someone who would be able to take care of her if I die before she does. I have to plan my funeral... I want to make sure everything is ready so no one has to figure it all out? Being ready... most of us don't have to think about that until we're older, but then what is older? I've had two friends die this year. One was 49 and one was 59... neither made it to my goal, so what will make me so special that I should live to be 60? Both men who died were good, kind and loving men. One was like my little brother and when I was diagnosised with cancer, he offered me anything I wanted, he went and put his name on the bone marrow transplant list and he gave me the gift of a lifetime... a trip to London, all expenses paid. He even served as a tour guide, something he really didn't like doing, but he did it because he loved me and he knew how much I wanted to see things I'd never have the opportunity to see again.
Isn't that the key to life, loving our friends and knowing they love us? I'm so lucky... I'm a little bit angry too. Angry at knowing how stupid I've been, not realizing the importance of my friends and the love they have for me. I never really thought about that before either. I was only worried about the one person I shared a bed with and that... was stupid because up until now... those people didn't care about me the way my friends do. I've learned some lessons... hard ones... but at least I've learned. Now I know how wonderful my friends are and how lucky I am to have their love. Its such a great feeling... a marvelous feeling. To know I mean something in their lives... to know I'll live on in their memories. To know I exist in someones thoughts... because they love me and not just for what I can do for them.
Learning these lessons... has opened my eyes and my heart to the possibilities... of life. So, while death is a big part of my life... now, my friends and their love is an even bigger part.
Remember to Celebrate Life and Rejoice in the Love of those who truly care about you... I know I am.
Kai |
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Posted by KaiAyn on 2008-06-10 01:32:38 | Rating: | Views: 54
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God bless you. Many of my loved ones have both died of and survived cancer, and I often daydream of what I'd do/think if I was ever diagnosed with it. But we've all gotta die someday of something. I may die tomorrow. You may live another 50 years. My compassion for my fellow man/woman leads me to suggest that you visit: thoughts.com/theophilus/blog/an-open-letter-to-anyone-1 05030
Again, may the Lord richly bless you and yours.
Theophilus
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Posted by theophilus
on 2008-06-10 22:13:59
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