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I have been so incredibly tired today? Experiencing a lot of pain and a bit frustrated with the whole thing.
I feel good mentally but physically, I'm not having a good day. There is a part of me that wants to take my pain meds and just go to sleep for a while. I hate whining, but today is really not a good day.
I have this pain in my brain, it attacks the top of my head above my right eye. If I could describe it, it would be to say, it feels like someone it using a hammer to tap tap tap a screwdriver into my skull. It sends sharp pains down my spine and into my legs. Its an annoying pain that just won't let up.
Talking about my legs, I can't believe the number of cramps I'm getting in them. Mostly my left leg... it goes from my ankle to almost my knee. Its not in the front or the back... but along the side of my leg. It feels a lot like someone is grabbing my muscle just below the knee and pulling as tightly as they can... almost as if they are trying to rip it from my leg.
Has anyone else with cancer felt some of these pains? If you have, what did you do about them? I try not to take too much medication because I don't want to built up tolerance to them this early in the game but dang... its such a pain... literally!
There are other parts of me that hurt... its a soreness. I've had moments that I don't know if I can even find the strength to hold up my head. My neck is tired and "loose"...? When I try to lift it, it aches down my spine...
Would it be enough to say... I'm scared. Has my cancer metastasized into other parts of my body? Its in the plasma of my bones, how hard would it be to flow through my body? When I have these pains in my body, I wonder if its moved. I wonder if its taking over.... I wonder and I worry.
I'm searching for a doctor who will accept me... I had a couple I liked, but they're both in Gold Beach and I can't afford to drive 5.5 hours just for a ten minute appointment. So, its back to the beginning and finding a new doctor. I'm tired... so incredibly tired.
I know things will get better... I believe in the power of resilience and I know I'm filled with it. I have courage, strength and self reliant power... but sometimes I get overwhelmed and it wears out. Today is one of those days.
My faith in life and my love of it tells me.... tomorrow will be better.
Nap time... *smile*
Celebrate Life!
Kai
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Posted by KaiAyn on 2008-05-12 18:47:33 | Rating: | Views: 45
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