Have I been tempted to ask whiteknight to come here? Sure. So why haven't I? Life at the moment is hard to cope with. I have always hoped that when I do get to met whiteknight in person, that I feel whole. That I feel sexy, That I can spend as much time with him as possible. But right now with chemo and radiation. No hair, red skin, feeling tired constantly, nausea, unable to speak, and some other health reasons. Isn't what I had pictured or want him to see me like or even remember me like.
And on top of all that I still have my family here, I have 2 young children, a husband and close family and friends. Not sure this is the right time to drop the bomb shell or even let it start to fall.
When I do get to met whiteknight I want to be able to walk into his arms, I want to shine from head to toe (and with a head full of hair), I want to be able to smile brightly for him. I want to be able to speak so he can hear my voice and hear me laugh (even at his corny jokes). And mostly I want to feel sexy, healthy and feel like a whole women.
And right now I am not feeling any of that at all.
KP
| Views: 129
Email This to a Friend 
