It is funny how we say we read something and yet we still don’t actually read it.  Some of you think that I have never mentioned before that I am married.  Well guess what I have mentioned it a few times in my previous post.  So for those of you who say you are reading this for the first time.  Then maybe you should go back and try again.  There are 12 separate posts that I have mentioned my husband.  

So let me introduce you all to my husband (which I know I have done once before).  I have been with my husband for 12 years (I did say 13 previously but I was wrong).  We have been married for 1.5 years.  And we mainly got married because his family were putting a lot of pressure on him and our daughter wanted us to.   

My husband is 51 years old.  He has worked at his job for 31 one years.  We meet through friends.  At the time we met I had not been in a serous relationship for 3 years and we were both looking for a bit of fun and someone we could call on to partner to at social events.  And yes it was fun to start.

We moved in together and after 3 years we had our daughter.  Then 3 years after our daughter was born, our second child was born our son.  Things got tougher for us, my father had died and my mother was getting worse and treatment was getting harder for her.  So I then set up a bed in her flat so that I was there 24/7 for my mother.  My husband was fantastic and his work gave him time off so that he could look after the children while I looked after my mother.

The thing I remember that my mother said to me before our daughter was born was to make sure I was doing the right thing, as later on age may become an issue for us later.  At the time I laughed at her and said no not at all.  But now at this time in my life it has become an issue.

I am only 36 and he wants to spend his spare time in front of the TV, or on the computer playing games, or sleeping.  I want to take the kids out, and sometimes go out as a couple, I want to experience more from life.  I am not ready to sit in the rocking chair and say what a great life I have had.  I want to live it the fullest doing everything and anything I can.  

My husband has been great with me when I have been down and stepped up when needed.  I don’t need to ask him to do much as; if he sees it he does it.  Does he do it the way I like? No, but I have learnt to over come that.  He has been here for me in the physical form (Not talking about sex) but for the emotional form, he hasn’t.  When I am upset or angry with him I tell him and he does nothing nor does he say anything.  I use to joke that when I wanted the garden done all I had to do was pick a fight, because he would hide outside doing the gardening.  If we go out in public he won’t hold my hand, or show any affection towards me.  He will walk a few steps in front but never besides me.  If my brother in law starts on me in front of the family to make him look good he will never stand up and say anything he walks away.  Now I can say something myself and normal do, but just once I would love for him to say “hey that’s my wife are talking to I don’t think that is appropriate” or something of the sort.

Another issue that I had with my husband was that I didn't feel that I was being appreciated.  I would clean the house, and clothes, I would cook, and make sure that his life was as easy as possible.  And I did this because he worked full time and I didn't, I stayed home to be there for the kids.  But some nights he would come home from work and it would be 1 or two hours before he would say one word to me.  I would ask him how his day was and he wouldn't answer.  I would ask him if he wanted a drink and he wouldn't answer.  Then a few minutes later he would tell my daughter to tell me he wanted a drink.  Now I do know that some men like to unwind after work and that is fine, but I don't think saying nothing to me for 1 hour is right.    

Our sex life is no existence.  And if I do have the privilege of having sex it is all for him and I am left wondering is this it.  I have tried many things to improve it but he won’t do it.  Or I get laughed at by him.  

This is not the life I wanted for myself, now I have to find the life I want.