How do you trust someone? Do you use your heart? Or is it your instincts? Is Trust a one way street or more? Do you trust your own judgement?
Or are you the little girl reaching up for that toy on a high shelf and trust you can climb up and get it, before you get in trouble and take a chance to experience something new.
Or are you the stooped over little old lady that is reaching for her favourite brand of tea but can’t reach and wishes that you were young again to pull yourself up as tall as possible with out hurting something. So you chose to take your least favourite to prevent hurt later.
Or are you the blind man that only has his hearing and his white stick to help take unsighted faith that his judgement is right and takes that first step with out hesitation hoping for the best.
If only we had some one to reach up and get that toy down for you and share in your excitement. Or are you the stooped over little old lady where someone reaches up and gets the tea for you so that you can enjoy the familiar comforts of your favourite tea. How about are you the dare devil and take that first step and hope for the best.
I think in many ways we are all the above. Sometimes in life we have to have the excitement and comforts and be that dare devil.
And take a chance.
Yes we all at some time or another have been hurt, by someone who we trusted, be it family, friend or a love of our life.
But for me I trust with my heart. If my heart gives me comfort and a warm feeling that what I am doing is the right thing then I go for it. Yes sometimes the path I am taking is clear with nothing to trip me; sometimes there are the few bumps to give me that excitement that I crave for. And yes on the odd occasion there are the huge holes that are always in my way, and no matter how far I walk around them or through them they just seem to get bigger make the trip so worthy to take.
But I know that if I believe in something and I trust my Judgement that no matter how long it takes to reach the end of the path, it was all worth it.
As I write this I think love is like that too.
The safest path that the little old lady takes, that is what my marriage was. I stayed with my estranged husband because I knew he was safe. I knew that he wouldn’t hurt me physical, and I did also know that he would not intentionally hurt me emotionally. But it was there that I was wrong. It was his lack of words and touch that hurt me emotionally. It was the fact that when I needed my husband to stand up and say “Hey that is my wife you are talking about” he was not there. Or just to hold my hand as we walk down the street, and not make me feel like I was not worthy enough to be in his company. Or the many social functions we would go to and he would walk off and leave me to go get drunk with the friends.
And yes I was that young girl too, I had a physical affair, I loved the excitement, I loved knowing that someone one wanted me. Was it emotionally satisfying for me? No. In the end I felt cheap and used. I know that I made my bed so I must lie in it, and I did for a time being. Then I got out of the bed and made it and walked away.
Then I got my thrill ride. He was someone I knew from the very beginning that I wanted to be with. I knew from the wonderful words that he writes to me, in his poetry in his stories, in his drawings, and yes even in the songs that he serenades me with. To many they may not be the best, but to me they are wonderful to me they have meaning I love the way that he cares for me and my kids. That each time we say goodbye, it gets harder and harder. That the longing to be with each other is so strong, that that is all you think about all day, everyday. For that day when we can finally be together and the wait was worth it. That what we felt was so true. For me that is the need to move half way around the world to be with him, to spend the rest of my life with him. Yes it is going to take time, and yes we are going to have our trips and falls, and yes at times it is going to seem so hard that we wonder is this all worth it.
But for me it is, for me you are worth that.
So right here right now, I say to you, Tim, take my hand and let’s take this path and make it to the end together, with all the trips and falls along the way. If this was too easy we would wonder why and be looking over our shoulder waiting for it all to fall.
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