I have sat back now over the months and have stayed very quiet on many issues, regarding Whiteknight and I, and after going over some past communications with him, old emails, old blogs on thoughts, I have decided that I can no longer sit back quietly. So I am going to say what I have to say. Some people my get offended by what I say, and for that I am sorry. But I have always sat back and let things happen in my life and now I want to be heard.
I want to firstly say that I am not proud of myself for being in this situation. As much as WK and I have a great and fantastic connection, it was never our intention to become as close as we have, it was never our intention that people get hurt (meaning our partners). This is not something that we set out to do, we were looking for something at a time in our lives and we found it with each other. The bond that we have got stronger and stronger and even though many times we tried to break it off, and have nothing to do with each other, the pull was to strong to fully let go.
I have had the opportunity on a number of occasions to be privy to the going ons in his house, and the dynamics between his wife and son. Some of you will never understand why or how we could do this. But I ask you how you can sit night after night, week after week watching so called reality TV. I guess I got to have my own personal reality show.
Sometimes WK would mention statements that his wife had said, or things that she had done and I would be amazed. Amazed at the fact that a grown women would be so complacent about things, and me as a women couldn’t understand that another women would or say something like that.
I hear ever one saying that what we are doing to her is not fair on her. And yes you are right it isn’t. And yes you are right that if it was to happen to me that I would be upset and angry. I do not disagree. But what a lot of people don’t know is that WK’s wife was “The Mistress” once. This woman had an affair with an older married man for eight years. Even though it was sometime into the relationship she found out that he was married, she choose to stay with him. Because of love.
This man supported his other family while they lived together, he promised her that he would divorce his wife, but he never did. The only reason it ended was for the fact that he passed away. I often wonder had he not passed away how much longer would she have stayed with him. WK’s wife had a child to this man. So the son that WK always refers to his not his biological son, however he is more of a son to WK then some men are to their own biological sons. WK stepped up to the plate and become the father for this child when he was 4, he did not condemn her for her past mistakes, which so many people wish to do with WK and I now.
There are many aspects of WK and his wife’s life that I don’t understand. And I guess I never will. But here is a few that as a married couple I would think shouldn’t be an issue but I see them as that.
Knowing what WK knew, and once they were married. WK wanted to adopt his wife’s child and be able to say that he was his son. But No, it never happened, she didn’t want it to, because she would loose money. (Something to do with the biological father and what the son was entitled to after his death). At first it bothered Wk, however he never pushed the issue. He hoped that one day she would agree to this. He is still waiting. To me that is a big slap in the face.
Every year on the anniversary of the death of this person WK’s wife and son go and place a flower blanket on the grave of this man. She has a standard order with the florist. This is a promise made to a man on his death bed. This was a promise made to a person that for many years promised to leave his wife and didn’t. This is for a man that spent the most of the eight years lying to her, about not being married.
As you may know Birthdays are important to WK. He feels that each one should be celebrated in some way. Wk spends a lot of time and thought to making sure that his wife has a wonderful day that she will remember for a long time. He goes the whole nine yards, and is an extremely romantic man. His wife on the other hand doesn’t think it is as important. Last year (07), WK got his birthday card from his wife a few days after his birthday because she forgot. He didn’t say anything at the time because he thought that maybe she had something planned for that weekend. Nothing. Finally when he did mention it her response was “I forgot to get one”. Then a few days later she came home one night from work and practically threw it at him, and made the snide remark I hope your happy now. This year however she decided to plan something (which most of you heard about from his post). But what you didn’t know was the attitude that she gave him for weeks leading up to the birthday and after. Calling his birthday celebrations as “The second coming of Christ”, this was said not in a joking manner, but more like a selfish child doing something they don’t want to do.
It has been mentioned a couple of times that WK’s wife has two jobs. It was assumed that this was because of Wk inability to make up the short fall in the household bills with his job. This I am going to say is far from the truth. I am not going to go into great detail about this, but I will say this, what his wife earns in a month is half of what WK does in a fortnight. I will also say this, even though they are married and live together, that is about as far as it goes when it comes to the household finances. WK pays for most things, rent utilities, cars, insurance and land line phone, a portion of the groceries, his cell phone, his credit cards, and sons’ education. She pays for her things, her credit cards, her cell phone, and a portion of the groceries. She was unable to keep up with her bills, many times WK would fend off the credit card companies constant calls for her. I am not going to comment on why things are like this, but looking in and seeing this I don’t see this as a marriage. Now while Wk may not have a second job, he is cleaning the house and keeps it running smoothly, Wk is doing the laundry, he is running his son to where ever he needs to go, or lets him have his car so that he can drive himself. Wk is the one dealing with the school when issues come up. And even though he isn’t a confident cook, we are working on that. He is doing as much as he can to make things all the more easier for her. So don’t think that he gets home and sits in front of the computer every night or watches TV all night waiting for her to come home and do all that.
Now when most women make changes in themselves, eg loosing weight, changing hairstyle, a change of fashion sense. We love to hear that our partner has noticed this. When WK’s wife, went on a diet and lost weight she look fabulous. She had done a fantastic job, and I know how hard it is too accomplish what she did. When he pointed out to her that she is looking great and complimenting her. Instead of say thank you for noticing or just thank you, she goes off on her high horse, saying that he is criticizing her. On the rare occasions that she did sort of acknowledge what he said she would reply with “well I still want to loose more so stop pushing”. Hang on I just heard what he said, and not once did he say, you need to loose more. In fact he did say to be careful not to go over board.
When his wife had the issue with her new job wether to go back and do more training or takes a different and easier position, his advice to her was to have faith in her ability that she can overcome these issues. But no, she took it as him once again disapproving and telling her she was stupid. Which he never did, all he did do was encouraged her, and try and get her to believe in herself as much as he believed in her.
This man that I have grow close to and have strong feelings for has over and over again, tried to help her and show her his love. And all she does is throws it back into his face.
So yes you may only get one side of the story, and yes you may not understand him and why we are doing this, and we don’t except everyone too. But just know that possible what he is saying has a lot of truth in it. That she is as naive, and unemotional, and clueless as he says. I think that I am a smart woman and a lot of the times I scratch my head in amazement with her antics
Posted by KP on 2008-04-24 10:23:59 | Rating: | Views: 199
I completely disagree with putting this woman's life out there like that...that's messed up KP...maybe this should have been a post WK put out and not you...this woman isn't even here to defend herself...no one's perfect...it doesn't justify anything...it's your problem, obviously your feeling guilty and looking for something to make yourself feel better...this post is in bad taste...and i'm surprised you of all people put this out there like this...who cares if people don't get what you and WK have, it's not about the readers, is it? it's not your job to bash his wife to make readers feel that they have a better sense in what's going on...frankly, it makes you and WK look bad...
KP..Thankyou for this post. I think a lot of people on Thoughts are critical because of their own experiences. They assume that what WK lives with and posts is somehow tainted by his feelings for you. I can see from his posts that his wife has tuned out on him and has been tuned out for some time. As a human being, he deserves to seek his own happiness and fulfillment. Noone on this site or anywhere else has a right to judge either of you, as we don't know the entire situation, nor could we ever. Reading words on the computer that someone posts does not give you a clear understanding of what it feels to walk in their shoes. I wish you both the best in working for your own happiness. You are a wonderful woman and he is a kind, thoughful man. peace :) shemelts
i have stated before that i am not one to judge anyone. i have followed this story for a while and i have seen the feelings and connection you have. i will ALSO say that you and WK are my friends and i am here beside you guys.
I think you are both awesome people, and owe NO ONE any explanations for anything. But I do think you have to expect at least some flack from people who have been devastated by infidelity. Regardless of the details that led to it, it still hurts someone, and in most cases, several people. It certainly doesn't make you bad people, but you have to look at it from the other side, too. But again, my thoughts are that you've both been through enough without feeling like you have to defend anything to anyone. No need to place that unfair burden on either of you.
With all due respect, you and WK are the only people who have given the evidence that people judge you upon. No one ever asked for the details you both volunteered. By doing so, and because of the nature of this site, people have written their own opinion of your situation. None of us know WK's wife and she is totally unaware of any of us making remarks. She cannot defend herself. No matter what she is, she is in a unique situation of hundreds of people knowing all about her, mostly not very flattering or kind. Even after you split up, WK still felt he had to desribe rather intimate details of how he and his wife danced to 'their' song. We did not ask to know that. On the other hand, we also read of women, and men, who have been devastated by partners cheating on them.
You have had something quite wonderful happen in your life, a second chance, so to speak. I think you should thank God, gather your thoughts and apply the effort you need to saving your own marriage. That is my opinion and you have allowed me to comment on it by stating the facts you have. I have no desire to hurt anyone, I never have, but I could not read what I read without feeling at times enraged.
I am the one you mention who talked about her doing 2 jobs. No matter how minimal they are, or how poorly she is paid, WK states that she does them. I do not imagine she does them for amusement. As to her past infedelity, why did WK stay? All of it is a total contradiction in terms.
Whilst I could not be more pleased that your health has been restored, I do not think you need to put the views forward which you do. I'm not sure what your motives are as I think the effort you have put in to telling us how hideous his wife is could be better used within your own family. I wish you no ill, but you have written and, therefore, given the right to hundreds of people to respond.
Every week I see people who have been devastated by loss, illness, addiction and depression. I am often struck and am in awe of their dignity. I am amazed at what the human spirit can endure. Not one ever has talked of the 'other' person in the way you and WK have, hence my own remarks. I sincerely hope life works out well for you and that you can, somehow, get over the despair you feel at present.
I first want to say that I preapproved every word of this post, so it was as if I posted it. But every word is KP's
Next, I do not think KP feels any despair. In fact I think she feels elation beyond anything anyone will know. She has a second chance at life.
Third: I think that while she has not had the chance to defend herself, I doubt if given the chance she would.
I think KP saw this as a way to defend me and also flesh out my wife as a person. I had a very similar post ready but when the events that happened a few weeks ago came about I did not post it.
And finally, some of the comments show that maybe the post was not read as carefully as it could have been. the Infedility happened BEFORE I knew her and was not her cheating on me but the man cheating on his wife. The wife was 100's of miles away so they were divorced in all but formailty, but it was still him cheating. And that story she would not change a word of if she could defend herself.
i do not know you guys, and i am not here to judge. I am here to say that i hope for all of you, both husband's and wive's, I hope for all of you that you find the happiness and peace you are all looking for. My father cheated on my mom, sure it wasnt exactly the greatest thing to do, everyone know's this. but who am i to judge him? there are all sorts of marital problems, and both he and my mother never tried to work on them. with that being said, obviously there are many sides to this story. Again i am here only to offer my hope that everything works out for the best for everyone involved. :)
As you know, I struggle with infidelity because it hurts the one that is being cheated on A LOT. I have followed your story loosely and I have usually been very supportive.
It's hard because in one of WK's posts, he seemed to have told his wife and she was supportive and tried to make the situation better. When I read it, I thought he was going back because you were not going to be there. That bothered me because I felt like, he loved you very much so how could he go back to someone that he so clearly did not have a connection with. It's not my place to judge, but it's hard when you know how much that can hurt and it becomes easy to relate to her.
Usually she reminds me of my relationship and I relate to WK quite a bit and I'm happy you have found each other. It just hits a soft spot at times.
KP I've told you many times before. ou have a beautiful soul. You are truly a beautiful person. Hold you head high. I'm glad you got this off your chest it seemed like you needed to. I hope you did it for you, not to give everyone on here an explanation. You are an amazing person who deserves to be happy and the best in life. You can't help who your heart loves. You 2 are soul matches.
KP I wish you nothing but the best, nothing but happiness for the rest of your life, you deserve it!
I am confused KP, you stated yourself as the Mistress yet the last I read you had ended for now your and Whiteknight's affair. I can understand two people who are unhappy with their lives and who inwardly feel dissatisfied finding themselves in a cheating relationship. Anyone who walks on dangerous and off limit territory can fall. Yet, what I can't understand is the "Mistress" bashing a woman that although she sends gifts to, doesn't really know at all. Please remember that everything you just posted about Whiteknights wife is thru his eyes alone. You are not, nor have you ever to my knowledge been in there home, bedroom, or life. It is a sad shame that this poor woman who is obviously faithful, even to the dead father of her son, should have twice been unlucky in love. She can't be that bad to stay with two cheating men, who are not to her what they both claimed to be. I am also one of the posters who noted the "two jobs". I am not sure what you mean by the amount of money she makes. That is really irrelevant, isn't it. I do notice that Whiteknight has a ton of free time to post on thoughts. Not that is in any way my business. Also, you only have Whiteknights word on the amount of money she really makes. There are ALWAYS TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY. Why don't you both just stop teasing each other and prove your feelings to each other. When two people are determined to be together, their partners really don't stand a chance. I believe if people are gonna be MARRIED, then they should act MARRIED. I agree with other posters that God has given you a second chance on life. I don't believe it is for you and Whiteknight to be together but for your children and your husband. Of couse I am like thousands of others on earth, posting "my opinion". In the end my opinion means absolutely nothing. It is only an opinion which is what I believe thoughts is about for everybody. I do however think it is beneath any woman to bash the wife of the man they are cheating with, no matter the reason. It appears as a cheap shot and it really lacks class. I believe you have more class than that. May the life you have been given for today be more precious with each passing moment, as non of us really have the promise of tomorrow.
Caring Advice: I need to step in
Reread the post
She listens at times to our talks and makes her own conclusion
I know people will say that is a volation of my wife, but it is there
I don't blame you for stepping in as any good knight would do. However, I don't believe that even listening to someone's conversation would enable a person to really know the "other" side. As you know working as you do with people communication is 97% non-verbal. Of course this is impossible over the phone. I understand the situation you and KP find yourselves in, you are both consenting adults. However, it makes you both look bad to talk so unkind about your wife. Your wife, who by your own accord, you find no fault in, except she isn't "romantic/emotional" enough for you. If you and KP want to be together, then just be together, but perhaps you should both stop trying to justify your actions by bashing your wife, who isn't even able to defend herself. You owe her more respect, if for no other reason than for her son who you claim to love as your own. God forbid he ever read the things you say about his mother.
hey!!! i can so relate to your story....
i understand where you're coming from... yes, it's hard to let go even though you try to stop it....the strong bonding that you have pulls you back...!
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