Thoughts.com Blogs - The hardest two years

A few post back I mentioned that WK and I first met two years ago, and for the most part, it has been a very memorable and joyful time. However they have also been the hardest time in my life too.

I think that some people may feel that I am proud of what I am doing, in regards to WK and the fact that he and I are still married to other people. So just for the record I would like to say NO I am not proud of this.

So now I hear many people saying then if you aren’t proud of it then stop it. Well also just for the record there have been many times over the last two years that either I or WK have tried to stop the feelings we feel for each other. I have pushed him away, I have asked him to leave, I have told him that he needs to stay with his wife. I have even given him lots of suggestions and ideas to help with his marriage. I have ignored his calls and his emails and his IM’s. Just to stay away. But the pull is so strong that we end up back were we were.

I have not once asked him to leave his wife. I have always maintained that he must leave his wife when he is ready and sure that it is what he wants. I have also stated on here and in private that I feel if he does leave his wife that it would be good for him to be on his own for some time.

THIS IS NOT NEW TO ME.

I also hear many people saying that if I knew what it was like to be cheated on then I wouldn’t do this. Well once again just for the record I do know. I have been cheated on. I was cheated on by my best friend, who took my boyfriend at the time off me. I was cheated on by a boyfriend, who decided to have affairs on me with other men, (that in it’s self is another story). I have been accused of cheating by another best friend with her husband, which was untrue and just as hurtful.

I know the pain that happens when you are cheated on, and that is why I have tried over and over again to stop this connection that I have with WK. But the one thing I do know is that it is hard to fight with the heart. I can tell myself over and over again that I need to stop; I can even put those thoughts into action, and I can keep to them as hard as it takes, but the heart will always break through.

If I choose to leave my life here to be with WK, it won’t be made on a moments descion, this is something that I have thought about and considered for the last two years. It is also something that I will continue to think about for however long this takes. I know that there are seven people to consider, and what the repercussions of that that choice will be.