Thoughts.com Blogs - The day after.

So it is the day after getting the news about my latest test results, and I am now ready to talk about what lays ahead for me. For those who haven't read Whiteknight’s latest post it wasn't the best news.

After having another round of chemotherapy and radiation, we had hoped that the news was better, but unfortunately it isn't. Even though the tumor has shrunken slightly the doctors were hopping for alot more. So now I have to decide what road to take.

I can either have more surgery. “The pros” with that are they may be able to fully remove the entire tumor this time. “The cons” with the position of the tumor there is a higher chance that my vocal cords will be damaged permanently. Which means worse case scenario that I loose my voice completely. Or they are only damaged and I go around sounding something like Demi Moore (if only I could have that body too).

The other issue is that I would also end up with having a nasty looking scar at the base of my neck. As this time they would enter through a different position. Now there is a part of me that is worried about the body image that the scar would cause, and the looks I would get and the constant explanation that I would have to deal with. And if I came out of this at the other end, I don’t want to have to be reminded of this every day. The emotional scars will be enough. I know that sounds shallow and I don’t mean it to but that is just where I am with this.

If I was to take this option they want me to be in the hospital at the earliest by the end of next week with a likelihood of a 3 week stay. This would also mean missing out of Christmas again. This brings me back to where this all started as this time last year I was sick and ended up in hospital for 5 weeks, and where the first scans suspected something, while I was in ICU.

Another option I have is more radiation and chemotherapy. But that to has its own pros and cons too. But the long and short of it is that the longer and more chemotherapy and radiation I have the less chance it will work. And the higher chance I will have for the cancer to spread.

Of course there is one more option and that is to do nothing at all and let nature takes its course. However at the moment that isn’t an option for me. I have my kids to think about, my husband and of course there is also Whiteknight to think about too. There is also my family and friends and my own piece of mind.

So if I was to do a list up of the “yes” to fight this more and “no” to let nature takes its course the answer would be to fight some more.

All I have to do is to work out which option to take. So to quote someone special to me all I need is a Christmas miracle.