It has been quite a while since I delved into the memories of my life. The last time I wrote about them, I had mentioned that I had run into S.H. He is the father of my eldest daughter who was adopted out. We were next door neighbours once I had moved house and moved in with my grandmother.
This meeting happened about 5 years later. I was out one night at the local night club, with my friends. We were all having a great time, when I saw him. It is funny when you see someone for the first time after so long, all those old feelings surface, and some you didn't even know were there. I knew straight away it was him. I spent about 10 mins just watching him. He on the other hand had no idea who I was, I had even gone up to the bar right next to him and he didn’t say a thing. However he did seem to have an eye out for one of my friends.
Like many friends we kept an eye out for each other and look out for the signal to come and save them from whoever was giving unwanted attention. This particular night my friend had had a few too many drinks and come over to tell me that this guy at the bar was trying to pick her up and even though he was nice eye candy she really wasn’t interested so look out for the signal and come and save me. After explaining to her that I knew him,and could we have a little fun, she was all for it.
So she went back chatting with him and I just watched on from a distance. Every now and then I would go by and check she was fine and make some comment about him, dropping a hint here and there that I knew him, stuff like,
“Watch this one he might be looking for some attention it is hard when you have 3 other brother and sisters to compete against” or “This one mustn't be a good boy anymore, as mummy’s good little catholic boy wouldn’t be out this late.” , and many more about him, his up bringing and family.
I could tell by his reaction that he didn’t like it one bit, probably because how could someone know so much about him and he hadn’t worked out who I was. (I didn’t realize I had changed that much). In the end I got my friend away from him and as we were about to leave he finally came up and asked me who I was and how did I know so much about him.
Leaning in to him, I whispered in to his ear our code word, which we used to use when we would meet up. He took a step back and was about to say something, when it dawned on him who I was, and said, “It is you?” I nodded and continued to walk out, he come running after us and said that he was going to be here next week and to come back we needed to catch up. All I could do was nod and call back “Yes, we sure do”. And with that I drove off. Flustered.
That week seem to go extremely slow for me, what was I going to say, would I tell him, yes, no, yes. No. I had this argument with myself for the whole week. In the end I decided, that no matter how much I planned to tell him I would just play it out, and see what happens. The only thing that I was sure of was that I wasn’t going to seem eager to him, so I waited a bit before arriving at the nightclub. When I arrived I could tell that it was a quite night. Heading in I saw him immediately and my heart started to beat faster. I had to keep telling myself to calm down. Yes he was still good looking but my life had taken a big turn and I couldn’t think that anything was going to happen here with him. Though I won’t lie and tell you it hadn’t crossed my mind a few dozen times over the week. But like the saying goes “You should never look back, only go forward”. And besides it didn’t work out last time and as far as I could tell it wouldn’t work out this time either.
So I stood back in the shadows and watched him for about 15 mins, I am not sure if he was watching out for me that night but I did notice that he kept looking up at the door. Finally I took a deep breath and walked over to him. We made small talk for a bit, when he then told me that I had literally bowled him over last week. He then asked if we could go somewhere else to talk.
So off we went. Now where we lived there wasn’t much around, so we got a coffee at the local service station then went to a park to talk. We were pretty isolated as there wasn't much around us just lots of trees; the nearest road was about a 20 min walk. In retosepct, it was proably the most silliest place to have gone.
We just seemed to pick up where we left off all those years ago, talking about family and things we wanted to do and things we have done. Then he starts poor me poor me, my life is awful, my mother is mean, blah blah blah. And as far as I could tell with what he was saying, his life wasn’t really that bad, just a rebel child not getting his way. Then he tries his moves on me, I haven’t had anyone for so long and I miss you, and moves a little closer and does what many hormonal guys do and goes for the feel.
With that I loose it slightly and start to tell him just how bad did he think he had it, telling him about what had happen to me all these years. Not that I was trying to blame him, but I guess that hearing him complain about his cushy life hit a wrong nerve.
Then I just blurt it out, “Try being 16 and having your child”. We were both stunned with that, and neither of us said a word. I ran to the car and left him sitting there.
Now let me tell you that was not how I had imagined I would tell him. I wasn’t going to be that heartless. It is just he got to me. About 15 mins later I head back towards where we were thinking I would pick him up along the road and then take him home, however I didn’t see him so I went back to the park and there he still was, sitting there were I had left him. He didn’t say anything and neither did I. I just drove him home.
About a block before his house I pull up. I couldn’t even look at him, not that I didn’t want to it is just this wasn’t how it was meant to be. I said sorry that I hadn’t meant to tell him like that. He went to get out of the car, but stopped, turned towards me and leaned over and gave me a cuddle and whispered sorry. It was the first time I had heard him say that, and the way he had said it I was a little shocked to say the least.
We agreed that we would meet up again in a few days time; I gave him my number and told him to ring when he was ready. I really didn’t think I would hear from him again. I only hoped I did. Well he proved me wrong. I will get into that another time.
Wow didn’t mean for this to be so long, things just seem to pour out. Well I will tell you about the next met up another time.
KP
Give someone a smile today, it shows them that you care.
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