Thoughts.com Blogs - Is this a full circle?

I started writing here back in October, because my soul mate Whiteknight had, due to the news of my cancer. Like most stories there are two sides, so we thought this was a way to tell both sides.

Where as he is more opened and tells most things, I need to sit on it let it soak in, go through all the pros and cons and be able to handle any impact that may occur.

For the last 3 weeks I have been on an emotional rollercoaster of all sorts, with my cancer. There have been times in the last 6 - 7 months were I have let my emotions go, only to be told news that has brought me down with a thud. To start with I was more open with Wk about how things were going with treatment, and I knew that he wanted to be a part of everything as much as he could, (distance and partners being our major issue), put at times I felt like I was on the witness stand with him, because he works with Doctors. And when ever there was any change or news he would go and ask the doctors questions or advice. And that is fine in a sense, but some times the questions got too much for me. So I held back.

So hear I am sharing my latest news where I get to tell the world that the tumor has finally gone. And how do I feel?

I am numb, I half expect the phone to ring in the morning and be told there has been a mistake, which I know won’t happen I did read the reports.

I am excited that now I can plan a future, that I thought had been taken away from me. I get to see my kids grow up, I get to maybe met my daughter if she ever comes looking for me. I get to travel more and further. And yes just maybe I do move overseas and live there.

I am over whelmed because I have wanted to hear this for so long, and now that I have I am scarred, that from now on and I going to fear every sniffle, every ache and pain, every cough every anything that the cancer is back.

Because I have been given this second chance who am I? Am I the person I was before and my life, goes on as it was. I know I can now add survivor to that list so do I start taking risks and follow my dreams and reach out to touch them. Do I start taking sky diving lessons, or bungie jump off the highest bridge, or become a rally driver or do alot of extreme, adrenlien rushing, activities. The list is endless. I once indulged and wrote a list of what I would do if I was given a second chance and now do I take that chance and do what it says.
Ohhh and I think I have solved the drought in Australia, I will save my tears. Because I have been crying non stop for the last week, being on tender hooks, I have even cried watching TV commercials. How bad is that?

So for now I will stop and breathe and smell the roses and take one day at a time. And enjoy my new life and look forward to the rest of my life.

Ohhh and back to the title, We started with the news of cancer and now we are at the news of no cancer, so is that a full circle yet?