I found my spirit at the last minute, and I am happy I did. I just hope that in the future I want have to look for it again. And that it will be with me always. It was something that had bothered me that I didn’t have any Christmas Spirit. I was in fact dreading Christmas. I wanted to cancel it. I didn’t want to have to put on a happy face and pretend everything was alright.
Everything was getting me down. Tension was thick in our house hubby was trying to hard to make things as easy as possible. But you know the old say if you want something done right, you may as well do it your self. And that was what I was feeling nothing was going right and everything was being left for me to do.
I was even feeling this way with Whiteknight. That I had to prop him up and tell him everything was alright and things would work out in the long run when all I needed was someone to hold me up and take some of the weight off my shoulders. We even came to blows about it. I was ready to throw the towel in the ring and call it quits.
Then I was busy making some slices for Christmas, and the kids were listening to Christmas carols when it hit me. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be else were. I wanted to be were my heart was, and that was on the other side of the world. A world that seems so far away and with everyday seemed to be slipping further and further away. A piece was missing. That piece was you.
So with tears clouding my eyes, and the world going around me I reached out to retrieve my heart. And to give the last of me to the one I love. My Christmas was here with my family, but my heart was with you. You had it and I wanted to be there with you to share everything with you. To wake up with you, to hear the children squeal with delight when they opened their presents. I wanted you to be the one that went with me to Christmas lunch. I wanted to happy and whole.
I found my spirit at the last minute, and I am happy I did. I just hope that in the future I want have to look for it again. And that it will be with me always.
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