We have all heard them a story that with every telling it gets bigger, more dangerous and uglier than before. The most common being the story that fisherman tell about the fish that got away. Every time it is told the fish gets bigger and bigger.
Well I have my own story about a monster. This monster had evaded my mind and life for so long. That I think the fear of him over the years was tenfold to what it really was. Or that maybe I am more mature, wiser and stronger now. My story goes back 20 years. So there is where I will start. (Disclaimer: To those of you who have read me from when I first started some may know this story and I am sorry if I bore you to start. And if you have only started reading me in the last month you have already heard a part of this story. But bear with me I do have an end now.)
Once upon a time many years ago, a young girl of 16 met a tall 6.2ft man. He had blonde hair, and blue eyes and a slightly larger build. When the girl first met this man she was young impressionable and her emotions were all over the place because of past hurts.
The man was nice and pleasant. He worked hard and treated her like she was something more. Just like every little girl’s dreams of finding her prince charming. After some time of the man and girl dating, and because the girl’s parents were angry at her, she had to move out of her home. Once again Prince charming came to the rescue and took her to his palace. The girl was extremely happy and thought that life was going to be like this forever.
But one day the girl came home to discover that magic was no longer there. Her prince charming had turned into a monster. It seemed no matter how hard the girl tried she could not make him happy; all she wanted was her prince charming to come back. She thought that somewhere in the palace he must be hiding. Soon enough she was hiding more than sad emotions, she was hiding bruises, cut lips, black eyes, and shortly after she was trying to hide from everyone else. She was too scared to say anything. To afraid to get help just in case the monster found out she didn’t want to do anything that may have caused him to get mad or angry.
Then one day, too many it was just an ordinary day but for the girl it was something more. She got up the courage and walked out. She never went back, never visited the palace, she never looked back and try to make it work. She had decided that she was no longer going to hide. The girl never heard from that monster ever again.
But as the years rolled on the monster was still in her head. With every memory, thought or sound that took her back in time he was there. When she recalled her time in the palace the monster got bigger and bigger. Not with what he had done to her that never changed. But the fear that had touched her soul was still there.
With a wave of the magic wand time past till now;
When four weeks ago the girl who had now grown up, a lot stronger in mind, and soul; picked up her phone to hear the voice of her monster. The monster that had haunted her all this time in her mind was talking on the other end of the line.
So this weekend I decided that I had to face my monster and stand up to him, to prove to myself that I was no longer fearful of him. I had to look him in the eye and say “you no longer have a place in my mind; you can no longer haunt me or scare me”.
Guess what I found when I went and saw the monster? The one who I once was afraid off, I discovered that it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Don’t get me wrong he is still as tall as before, and he is if not bigger in build than before, but no matter what, he can not and will not hurt me both physical or mentally. There was a few times when with his words he tried to hurt me, but he soon discovered that he no longer holds the power. That I speak up and speak my mind and in doing that he backed away with his tail between his legs.
I think now that there is a little bit of sympathy for him, in many ways he is half the man that I knew, time has hurt him more. He is alone, he has no family, his parents have died and his sister wants nothing to do with him. I am no psychic but my prediction is that he will become a lonely old man.
So I forgive him but forgetting will never happen. I will not pity him as he brought this all on himself. The one thing that I do not have is clarity on why after all this time did he ring me in the first place and I have a feeling that I will never know.
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