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so happy 4th of july everyone, i hope everyone had a fun and safe holiday. so my day started at waking up at 10ish this morning and jumping in the shower, because my bf was on his way to come pick me up so i can spend the day with him and his family. now i was a little upset with him, because he had four whole days off and just wanted to spend ONE out of the four with me. i wanted to go over thursday night so he didnt have to drive out to me and deal with any holiday traffic, but for some reason that didnt work for him. so he was like "well i guess just friday then" and i said "fine". i was upset, like it just doesnt make sense. so then he asked if i just wanted to stay the night friday and i simply said no. if i couldnt stay the night thursday then that was the only day that would have worked for me. yeah, i know i know...stubborn me, but it just pissed me off. so when he came to pick me up we didnt really say much to each other, other then "hi, how are you?" so a bit of awkward silence. he took me to riverside to go pick up my last check from h&m and ahh it was so nice to be back there, it had only been two weeks, but still i miss everything about it. i got to see a few co workers and left. i miss them all so much.
later, we went back to the house and soon his sister was there with the husband and the kids. we were going to have a bbq there at the house. my bf wanted me to come up stairs to see how clean it was. before i moved, the place was a mess and i really didnt feel like cleaning it up before i left, lol. so when i got up there it was really cleaned, i was shocked at how good it looked. also shocked at the fact that he cleaned it himself, or so he says he did. he got those ugly mirrors from target. about a few weeks ago before i moved we saw them and he really liked them, but i thought they were ugly and thought who the hell would buy those? well he did, obviously. then i see them right up on the wall, his sister and everyone else seemed to think they were nice. they were just "eh" to me. suprisingly in our room he left the pictures of us still up. and that was pretty much it, i was happy he took it upon himself to take care of things and clean up after himself. i hated always doing it by myself and picking his shit up everywhere off the floor. now he sees what its like, so i was happy about that. when we got a chance alone together he went for a peck on the lips, but i turned away quickly. i know it was mean, but i wasnt expecting it and his sister was just in the other room. (oh, if you didnt know, his family doesnt know about us..okay well we know they know we just dont talk about it, i mean come on we slept in the same bed together for two years so of course they know)
anyway, he gave me this pouting face when i turned away. i was like "everyone is in the other room" and he said he didnt care. later, he wanted me to go upstairs alone with him and i did of course and he tried for another peck on the lips..i hesitated and kissed him, once...then twice...then again one more time..it was nice, but you know i want to be with him and i really want things to work between us, but there is still soo much for us to still work on. it makes it hard for me to make an effort when hes still doing the stuff that bothers me, well i guess it would help for me to tell him, but i dont want to sound like a bitch and tell him what to do. while i was there, he kept at his phone the whole time, texting and what not. like wtf? you only see me once a week and youre on your phone. it was just so annoying and rude, i maybe looked at my phone twice. i was just frustrated and annoyed about it. after dinner we were all in a rush to go watch the fire works down the street. they were nice, all i wanted to do today was just watch fireworks, its always so special and romantic. i was standing with my bf when they first started, then he just left to get a better view, which was the same view from where i was standing at. he signaled for me to come by him, but like uh no. i didnt want to, i was in a perfect place just like his, i dont know why he had to move. so i just stood alone and watched them by myself, it made me really sad. he couldnt even just come back to stand with me at a romantic time like that. i saw all the other couples together holding hands and falling into each others arms. i mean i would have loved that, but being the circumstances of being in a closed gay relationship it wasnt easy. i could have just settled for him to at least stand next to me, but no...his better view was more important. this guy really makes me think and i still can't comprehend how he works.
afterwards, he drove me home. it was a quite drive back home. i was just annoyed that he couldnt stand next to me during the fireworks and that even while he was driving he was still on his phone texting away. i just thought to myself...why? why do we even hang out? because it seems that he would rather be with the person hes been texting all day. and thats how things were when i lived with him, i guess some things dont always change. as we pulled up to my house, i had thanked him for picking me up to spend time with him and his family and i really enjoyed myself. he was happy i had fun, as we said good bye, there was no kiss, no hug, no i love you...??? i hope something changes soon |
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Posted by Juniorrr on 2008-07-05 02:28:01 | Rating: | Views: 45
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