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| happiness for your friends.
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so i had a pretty good weekend, much better than last. i wasn't too emotional or lonely. saturday was kim's party so i had to prepare by running to target to get her a gift. i got her a 4 set of martni glasses because when we went to the mall last week she really wanted some. then i went to the most amazing place ever to get wrapping supplies for a bargain..the dollar store, lol. it so great, i love that place. the box was too big so we had to buy wrapping paper and my sister had to wrap it for me, thank you phew. i had gotten ready before we went to target, wearing my graphic tee from h&m and my grey sliq jeans from h&m and red circa slip ons. i was just wearing that for the afternoon, i wanted to wear something different for the party, but after my sister and i had lunch i was so full i was being lazy and catching up on The Real World till the party started. so i just went to the party wearing what i wore that afternoon, so un fashionista of me lol, but whatever. half the people at the party werent all dressed up anyway. when i came into kims house she came to the door wearing her cute dress i helped pick out from papaya. she took a peak at what i got her and read the card. i told her wrapping paper, bow, and card courtesy of the dollar tree and she was so happy haha. i didnt really know any of her friends and a few were already there from her dinner. so i sat at their table and just talked a little. everyone was already having their drinks. i probably got asked this ten times "are you going drink?" me..."nooo, i don't drink" i was having a good time looking at my blackberry for a new text or something as i sat there with my aquafina watching everyone drink. kim kept asking me if i was having a good time and said that i was and i really was. her friends were so funny and really pleasant. they were very nice to me and acted as if they knew me forever. then i was hit on by one of kim's other gay friends. he was getting a little too touchy when we took group pictures. i dont know if it was his hand or the other girl's hand that went below my groin. i was a little uncomfortable since i NEVER get hit on, lol but it was just whatever.
kim had a dj at the party and he played some good music. i usually always listen to rock and indie music, but i can get down to hip hop from time to time. lol, i dont really dance but i can get in the mood sometimes. everyone was dancing on the floor as i just watched. kim looked so happy, she looked as though she had everything she needed to make her life the way it is, great friends, an amazing family, a great job. she didnt need a guy to make her happy..and there i was still looking at my blackberry for a new text message from him. i wish i had what she had, i want to be happy like her, but shes just an amazing person she deserves everthing. that night i didnt get home till 2, but i had a great night. i was happy i went, intenionally i only wanted to go for a little bit since everyone was going to be drunk and me not really knowing anyone, but i was really happy i stayed. the next day, i hung out with my mom and went grocery shopping. i needed a few things to make food since my mom doesnt cook too much. then we made some guacamole and i ate the whole thing. soo good. i was just hanging out with my mom, my sister, and my moms boyfriend. my mom and i were cooking stuff while my sister was setting up her party event on myspace. it was really nice, i was begining to feel happy a little. it seems that i'm good when im with people and keeping busy. if not, i become lonely and depressed, so it really felt good this weekend to be out and doing something.
later as i was on aim, my friend had imed me. hes from hs and he came out after hs. hes a really cool guy. weve been talking a lot online. i don't have a lot of gay friends so its nice to talk to others about stuff that i cant talk to my girl friends about. so anyway, he was telling me about this guy he met the other day and how amazing this guy was. how good he made him feel, how comfortable he was around him and he was really understanding and romantic. he kept going on and on about details about the stuff they did and it made me really happy for him, yet sad at the same time. just because i miss that, i miss that romantic aspect of a relationship. i would consider myself a BIG romantic, i just want someone who will sweep me off my feet and go above and beyond for me. hearing all that he had to tell me was good to hear, it was good to know that there are still good guys out there that do stuff like that. that someone out there is like that for me. i don't know, my current bf wasnt the best romantic. he was too much of a guys guy for that. i would do romantic stuff for him in hopes that he would do something back for me...but that never happened. i even texted him that day. a picture of his lips with the caption saying "i miss those sexy lips" and he didnt respond till five hours later. i try to make him feel as sexy as possible because he has so many insecurities about himself as do i, but he never compliments me on anything. well maybe on how i dress here or there, but nothing physical about me. i always compliment him and made him feel special. i really never felt that way from him.
in any relationship its good to know that the person youre with likes your physical features and not only likes you for your personality but finds you attractive as well. i don't know, one of many other things i dont understand about him. aside from the relationship factor, sam texted me about how excited she was that her mom bought her, her dream coach bag. i don't know what it is with coach and every girl being obsessed with it, i dont know i mean if i were a girl my dream bag would probably be something by marc jacobs or ballenciaga, but i guess when you come down to reality coach is something that anyone can afford. i dont know, its just me. fashion is a big deal to me, its not always about the lables, but its the way you go about it. i dont know, everyone has their own little style. i was just happy for sam, she loves coach. its good to be surrounded with friends who are happy with their lives i'm just hoping it will rub off on me soon so that i can be happy as them. |
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Posted by Juniorrr on 2008-07-07 16:25:14 | Rating: | Views: 63
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I can relate to your boyfriend situation so much to mine.. I'm also a big romantic and I try to be very loving with him and every time i try to caress him he always puts my hand down like if I annoy him. I'm a very caring person and i'm very forgivable and sometimes i just feel like i've put up with enough. There are days that he means so much to me and there are more of the days that I feel completely lonely and I feel like he doesn't give me enough attention. At first I thought he was one of those hard to find guys that are very different then most but he's beginning to show me that he's just like any other guy. I'm also catholic and I believe that God does things for a reason but I don't know if I should keep this going on. And one thing I know for sure is that we're not going to find real true happiness here on earth. Real happiness will only be found in heaven. Our life is mostly made to struggle and fight your way through things. It's like a test to see that even after everything you've been through you're still holding on to God and not blaming him for anything.
(By the way thank you for the comment on my blog---- What you said was exactly what i've been thinking about all this time. But he's a very good-hearted person just makes so many stupid choices. And i really don't want to loose him but at the same time i don't want to be with him..... It's a very hard situation for me right now. Thanks once again)
**||Yessi||**
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Posted by yessi189
on 2008-07-07 21:19:45
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Well, first let me start off by saying...i pretty much love u too, its so easy to see y, were both ridiculously amazing!!! Now, let me thank you for commenting on my blog, I defintely appreciate honest feedback, as it is so very hard to come by.
Ok...now lets get to the issue at hand...I think that u should realize how fabulous you are, because just from me reading your blogs, I can see it, but it seems like sometimes you dont see it yourself. And as far as your mother accepting you, eventially you will find the courage to tell her, and only two things can come of it, she either accepts it or she doesnt. Simple as that. I work with a guy whose family didnt accept his being gay, they were extremely angry, but they eventually realized it was either deal with it or lose their son...so they dealt with it...that took alot of courage on his part but it defiantely worked out for the better in his situation...he and his parents are building a strong relationship now that they know him as the person he truly is. Anyways, I hope happiness finds you, and it will as long as you stay as fabulous as you are...and I love that youre a fashion DIVA cuz so am I!!!!
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Posted by fromtearscomehope
on 2008-07-07 23:11:55
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