Do I walk away without saying a word on purpose? Am I looking for some sort of attention or sympathy? Am I hoping that others will follow so I feel more important? Why do I do some of the things I do? I wish I had an answer to these.

Someone told me that you could think yourself to death. To the point of where you think so much, you only create negativity and pretty much cause more problems for yourself. Is that what I am doing? Too bad I can’t approach life like a little kid and not care what I look like, how I act, or what I say. I think we would all be a little better if we went back to that mindset. Creativity and thinking abound in a world that has no social pressures warping it.

Maybe I should mentally go back to that state. Just not care. It sounds so easy, but once you get into the real world everything changes. I change. I change because I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want to be judged, because I am one of the most judgmental people I know. I see every fault about myself before someone else can pick it out for me. I bring myself down before others can. I make fun of my small frame and my crooked teeth, my funny laugh and big nose. What does it accomplish? I tell myself it is to stay humble, but what is true humility? Is it to bash myself and get my self-esteem so low that I have a pathetic view of myself, or is it serving others and always having their best interests in mind? I know the right choice. I just need to live it.

The end is close now. I can see it.