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To all of you who read this you may relate to my feelings. As you read this blog I want you to remember someone very close to you who has passed away. I'm going to try my best not to cry as I type this blog. Now this blog is going to be about my mother who passed away years ago and the last time I saw her and our very last conversation and some other good memories. That's all I have is memories a watch she gave me and a birthday card with her love and signature in it. The only thing I don't have are pictures of her.
It was in August a few weeks before school started. I was about to go into the seventh grade. I think I was thirteen. I remember the day because I had gone to Six Flags. It was only me, my older sister, my younger brother, and my dad that had gone. The reason my mother wasn't there was because they split up a long time ago. So I was sent to one family and my brother was sent to another and my sister stayed with my dad. It was mostly cause of how my mom was but I'm not going to get into that cause that's too personal for this blog. Any way after the all of the fun at Six Flags my sister and I wanted to go see our mother for a suprise visit because we rarely see her. Our father agrees to take us but we know he's not going to be happy to see her. As we get closer to her apartment I start to sweat from nervenous and excitement. My dad honks the horn and as fast as that she was comming out the door. She was short with long hair down to her shoulders like an older version of my sister. She was saying how big I've gotten and handsome. All I did was blush and smile cause I didn't know what to say so I just gave her a big long hug. The hug made me calm again and it made me feel at peice. Then out of no where a conversation about the movie Freddy vs Jason comes up. I immediatly said Freddy was going to win but my mom responed with a laugh and said "no Jason will". My little brother backed me up about Freddy and of course my older sister took my moms side about Jason. We talked about it outside the whole time until it started getting late and I had to go home to my other parents. I gave her one more hug, this one was longer then the last. We smiled at each other and said out goodbys.
That was the last conversation and time we had together. Almost a year later my other mom, the one that I lived with, had gotten a phone call. All I heard my mom say on the phone was "Oh My God". She hung the phone staired at me and said take a deep breath and give me your hand. She said your mother is dead. I staired back with disbelief. She said someone broke into her apartment and strangled your mother to death. I got up and walked away holding everything in till I went to bed. And then I just let it all go. My pillow was drenched in tears. My parents didn't know I had cryed. I didn't want them to.
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Posted by Jose007 on 2008-07-10 23:32:28 | Rating: | Views: 149
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Jose -- Thank for you sharing this very personal post. I can't even imagine how difficult it was to write the words as you brought to mind the memory of that last visit with your mom. Your courage and open vulnerable heart continue to impress and inspire me. I'm so sorry your mom was taken from you and all who loved her by a senseless act of violence. I felt so sad that you felt you had to cry alone. Remember you never have to hide your tears, thoughts or feelings here. I'm sending along a prayer, a comforting hug and many caring thoughts. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-07-11 00:37:29
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Wow..I know how you must of have felt when that day happened as for you know in my blog I lost my grandpa..It was very hard for me to even write that blog and I am not going to lie I did cry..But now all you can do it just think about those times you spent with your loved one..and know they are up there watching over you..
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Posted by Linda85
on 2008-07-11 16:00:26
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What a horrible thing to happen.
It's nice that your last memory of her was a hug.
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Posted by circe
on 2008-07-12 17:47:22
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you remind me of the experience 4 years ago when my mom was seriously ill,it was a hard time,we almost lost hope...but you must have been through a much more difficult time.tears came out like a river?when you typed all this?but i think at least she leaves you a very beautiful memory that you can enjoy the rest of your life,and i think love will never stop with death,it will last forever...
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Posted by nina880224
on 2008-07-14 01:48:33
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WOW...I feel for you. Thats just an aweful thing to happen. I really admire you for blogging about it. I have blogged about my dad, who I lost when I was 39, but in a bad way - in the end it was only me who was still talking to him, he drank alot and everyone else had given up because it made him not half the man he could have been. It was me who had to make the decision to have him sectioned, for his own good...and I have often wondered whether that was the thing that finally finished him off, but its not good to dwell. Remember happy times, think well of her and keep her in your heart.
My best wishes to you
dave xxx
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Posted by geordiedreamer
on 2008-07-15 03:50:58
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Jose,
Thank you for sharing this personal story with us.
Wherever your mom may be, I am certain that she is so proud of you.
Congratulations on graduating high school.
Keep writing.
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Posted by Cecy24
on 2008-07-18 14:11:46
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Thank you for sharing something so personal. I'm so sorry it happened. I know it must have been very tough for you. I know how you feel though as my family only seems getting smaller and smaller. Now that I think of it, my friends are disapearing also, but that's a different story. And sometimes it is good to cry. Good job for hanging in there. Your mom is looking over you and I'm sure she's very proud of you and all of your accomplishments.
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Posted by Jesskunup
on 2008-07-20 19:36:58
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Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is heartbreaking. I also congratulate you on graduation from High School.
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Posted by sharetheword
on 2008-07-20 22:10:31
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Wow, thank you for sharing that. I for years was angry with myself and never admitted to anyone, that I did not cry when I was told my father was killed. I was afraid of being weak and crying for someone that should have and could have treated his family much better. I couldn't admit that I actually felt relief when he died. Anyway, it took me over 20 years to actually cry over his death. Crazy, huh? God bless you.
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Posted by selfcentered
on 2008-07-25 13:30:11
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Jose, How alwful for you and your family...I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing something so personal...*HUGS*
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Posted by dreampower
on 2008-07-27 18:21:04
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I can't imagine the helplessness and regret you must have felt, and the overwhelming sadness. Yet, you are stronger because of it....your love was given and received in those hugs and there's a huge blessing in recognizing that.
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Posted by Bitsomind
on 2008-07-28 10:02:42
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Dear Jose,
Your writing has not changed and you easily convey your message and emotions to us all.
As per our e-mails I will stay true to my promise and offer up my comment about this posting.
After reading what you have posted thus far, I belive that it might be better for me to advise you to write your memiors opposed to becoming a factual writer.
The stories of your life are touching and deep, but can only bring you an avenue of enrichment by sharing your ups and downs of life.
Many of writers have logged their daily events into an informal journal and I do believe that this is what you are doing now.
But as far as using these posts as a format to writing a book, I think you would soon be disappointed while approaching a publisher.
Don't get me wrong. If you should accopmlish some noteable feat during your life these posts will become invalueable when someone tells your life's story, but as far as compiling them in order to write a book, they just wouldn't measure up to a publisher.
Look at all the people you are touching right now and be happy in that so many are willing to be your friends.
( I can only think that many of them seeing what I am commenting would question my sanity.) LOL How can this guy make such comments to Jose when Jose just poured his heart out during such a tragic stage in his life?
You have made an honest request of me, and I will honor my promise to you always.
Love & Peace, John
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Posted by jwcj
on 2008-09-22 05:23:37
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I can imagine how difficult it must have been for you to write this out.
It is really painful and just reading it makes a person feel that pain. I'm sorry for your loss. But you know what? From whatever you've described about your mom, I think she was a great soul..a really nice human being. :)
Thank you for sharing this.
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Posted by HardThinker
on 2008-10-16 05:32:51
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