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Sigh...Have you ever really needed and wanted to k

" =[...i really do love you... And Im going crazy thinking about you.. I cant shake you from my head... i miss you Muffins...i really want us to be together one day... we have been through some shit but.. " what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. even between us".. you said that once... please dont give up on us =[ "

I sent him that offline at about 1pm...
I was too scared to send it in a text while he was at school.....or ever....

I guess he will get it one day.... and probably when he wants to talk to me...beacuse he never goes on msn unless he wants to talk to me... so maybe that will stop him from yelling at me ....right? =[....he probably will just ignore it anyways.... *cry*

he did text me right after school ....

'It's against M******d law to have a cell phone in school. i can be arrested for texting =o"

"=o .. thats wack yo!"
'that acutally really really sucks =[ now i'll hear from you even less... And it's not lots now...blah'

'Doesn't mean i won't break it'
'>=[ hehe... how was your day at school anyways?'

he hasnt answered.... i dont know what he is doing.... im too scared to text again to ask....... i dont know if he is with her or anything........ =[. i hate that i ask him questions... he got so mad at me for asking him stuff................ i think it was just beacuse he was super stressed about everything going on..... he was mostly mad before he told me the truth about her but left... so he was at that point in his life when he just.. felt bad but coudlnt bring himself to tell me... i guess it just made it easier if he yelled at me.......... =[.... sigh....

i dont want to make him mad..... but its just like that song says... " time together is just never quite enough"..... if i ask a question it almost guarentees an answer at some time... if i just randomly say something he might not ever answer or say anything back and.......i litterly live for those texts..... =[

i woke up crying this morning... i havent done that in a few weeks........he moved to his dads... i dont know if he is going to another school.. i dont know if he is with her still.. or someone else.. or hunting for osmeone else.. i dont know what he feels toward me... if we wil be okay... if he wants us to be okay one day.... if he wants our future or just friends or prefer nothing.... i have NO idea what he wants... i don know if he talks to me beacuse he feels guilty.........or beacuse he wants to........i dont know..... im too scared to ask............ =[...

i woke up crying beacuse he moved and i dont know these things ...and.............. what about my letter and smarties..........did he bring those with him?/........did he even think to bring them..........does he even remember they are there?............did he throw them away.... burn them?....=[..... sigh..... he probably totally forgot about them......that hurts me lots.... i know its not really something ud remember to pack and bring.......... but...its just.........=[ ....... it took me days to write that last letter.......... i dont think he even read it .........and if he totaly forgot about it he never will.... sigh =[.....

i want him to let us have another chance.... i know its hard to imagine happening now.... but.... i also feel like he still cares for a reason... .and he knows i love him unconditaionlly... and he had feelings for me before... and loved me back... its not like im not his type... right? =[..... i just.............what if he never visits?....he said he would for months and months that he would come see me in December... and the recently said he wouldnt... cost too much then said his dad woudlnt let him due to inexperience... wich is logical but also an excuse that upsets me........ =[.....

he said he could come in the summer..... but i dont know if he will.... =[...............sigh........... Muffins... at least give me that.............. please?.......meeting each other.. isnt that something we owe each other anyways =[.... we still have feelings...........obviously more from me but......theres still something definately there..... isnt there? =[... sigh...

I miss you muffins.... i really really really really really miss you so so so soso so so so so so soooooooooooooo so soooooooooooo fucking much....lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots... for ever and ever and to infinity...=[

Posted by Jewelz17 on 2008-08-25 21:41:34 | Rating:

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		you need to go with the flow... let him do his thing and you do yours... i know its easier said than done.. i have been thru it and its rough... if you r questioning if its there is something there than there isnt on your part... play the game with him... play hard to get...two can play that game ya know.. then he will come around i bet... you need to act like your is way to busy for him and im sure he will come to realize.. let me know how it goes... im new to this so im gonna add u as a friend... i have been in the same situation so i can relate to u and try n help u .
Posted by jiggyindahouse99 on 2008-08-26 20:47:01


		I don't know if it helps but I think you need to move on. I had same thing going on before also. I was living in Chicago for a while and I met him there. It was really awesome to be with him, I fell in love. I moved back to MO, and he promised me to visit me as much as he can. Its not a long way, maybe 5 hours of driving. He promised me and he didn't. I remember the last night we were together standing outside my place and he looking at me and saying "I will come to u, I promise"... I needed to move on, I loved him and missed with every inch of my body and wanted to call him and talk to him. I was scared, I was scared if he would say "I can not come".. It was hard for me to do it, but I moved on. Now I miss him every now and then and look at his pictures. But I know that long distance relationships don't ever work, and if he's not even making an effort, you have to let it go.. I agree with jiggy, its not as easy as it sounds, but u need to do ur thing and keep busy not to miss him all the time. And if you guys are meant to be together, nothing will be on the way... Goodluck!
Posted by stl on 2008-09-01 14:24:44