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Mostly good updates... What do you think?

I haven’t blogged in a bit…but its mostly because every time I do I cry and it hurts… but I guess I can only take so much before I have to go blog out my feelings…which is why I am here now…

After my last blog, muffins talked to me some more… we went on msn and had a decent convo… and over the last few days we have been talking okay. He has sent me a few more songs… and I would like to put them here all with the lyrics… I love it when we sends me songs because to me its like…. He hears a song that typically has to do with love and stuff..and he thinks of me………… I mean.. that’s a good thing… right?

In our msn convo on Aug 5th, he talked about this song, Face to Face, by Draft punk…

Muffins says:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gK6otEYucI4&feature=related
it reminds me of us

Draft Punk – Face to Face

oho face to face now
face to face now
oho face to face now
oho face to face now
face to face now
oho face to face now

What's going on ?
Could this be my understanding
It's not your fault I was being too demanding
I must admit it's my pride that made me distant
All because I hoped that you'd be someone different
There's not much I know about you
Fear will always make you blind
But the answer is in clear view
It's amazing what you'll find face to face

I turned away because I thought you were the problem
Tried to forget until I hit the bottom
But when I faced you in my blank confusion
I realized you weren't wrong, it was a mere illusion

It really didn't make sense
Just to leave this unresolved
It's not hard to go the distance
when you're finally gettin' involved face to face
oho face to face now
face to face now

Muffins says:
even if im a dick
Muffins says:
and that im a horrible person
Muffins says:
and that i am terrible at this long distance thing
Muffins says:
i still have mucho heartz for you
((Written with pen tool - I fucking love you =[))

In the past he has sent me songs too……this one he said reminded him of me.. not of us… so I’m guessing he heard this and knows it is something I said and meant and stick to…..which is good… I think.. right?

Depeche Mode – I promise you I will

If you need a friend
Don't look to a stranger
You know in the end
I'll always be there

And when you're in doubt
And when you're in danger
Take a look all around
And I'll be there

I'm sorry but im just thinking of the right words to say
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be
But if you wait around awhile I'll make you fall for me
I promise, I promise you I will

When your day is through
And so is your temper
You know what to do
I'll always be there

Sometimes if I shout
It's not what's intended
These words just come out
With no cross to bear

I'm sorry but im just thinking of the right words to say
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be
But if you wait around awhile I'll make you fall for me
I promise, I promise you

I'm sorry but im just thinking of the right words to say
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be
But if i have to walk to world I'll make you fall for me
I promise you, I promise you I will.

I need to tell ya

I gotta tell ya

I gotta tell ya

I'm sorry but im just thinking of the right words to say
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be
But if you wait around awhile I'll make you fall for me
I promise, I promise you

I'm sorry but im just thinking of the right words to say
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be
And if i have to walk to world I'll make you fall for me
I promise you, I promise you I will, I will, I will

i dont know... in alot of ways i know he hears this song and thinks of me of saying it to him beacause alot of it i did say....and i obviously meant and still mean. but when i read it over i see alot of things he said to me too... like always being there for me... he said this song reminded him of ME... he didnt say US.. but its a small difference... and i still think its a good thing...

Panic! At the disco – when the day met the night
When the moon fell in love with the sun
All was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night

When the sun found the moon
She was drinking tea in a garden
Under the green umbrella trees
In the middle of summer

When the moon found the sun
He looked like he was barely hanging on
But her eyes saved his life
In the middle of summer (summer)

In the middle of summer
All was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night
Summer (summer)
All was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night
Summer, summer, summer, summer
All was golden when the day met the night

So he said, "Would it be all right
If we just sat and talked for a little while
If in exchange for your time
I give you this smile?"

So she said, "That's okay
As long as you can make a promise
Not to break my little heart
Or leave me all alone in the summer."

Well he was just hanging around
Then he fell in love
And he didn't know how
But he couldn't get out
Just hanging around
Then he fell in love

In the middle of summer
All was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night
Summer
All was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night
Summer, summer, summer, summer
When the moon fell in love with the sun
All was golden in the sky
All was golden when the day met the night

Summer, summer, summer, summer
In the middle of summer,summer,summer, summer
the middle of summer, summer, summer, summer
the middle of summer, summer, summer, summer
In the middle of..

this one gets me... when we met it was on Maple... and his name had the word Moon in it... and in a lot of small way we were total opposites... this song really does make me think of us alot...

The two latest ones….

Owl City – The saltwater room

I opened my eyes last night and saw you in the low light
Walking down by the bay, on the shore, staring up at the planes that aren’t there anymore
I was feeling the night grow old and you were looking so cold
Like an introvert, I drew my over shirt
Around my arms and began to shiver violently before
You happened to look and see the tunnels all around me
Running into the dark underground
All the subways around create a great sound
To my motion fatigue: farewell
With your ear to a seashell
You can hear the waves in underwater caves
As if you actually were inside a saltwater room

Time together is just never quite enough
When you and I are alone, I’ve never felt so at home
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time
When we’re apart whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling, do you wish we’d fall in love?
All the time, all the time

Can you believe that the crew has gone and wouldn’t let me sign on?
All my islands have sunk in the deep, so I can hardly relax or even oversleep
I feel as if I were home some nights when we count all the ship lights
I guess I’ll never know why sparrows love the snow
We’ll turn off all of the lights and set this ballroom aglow

that line.. when were apart whatever are you thinking of....i think of that all the time....but its part of the song that a girl sings... i dont know if HE relates to that line or if he hears it and know I realate to it......same with the 'time together is just never quite enough' ... i hope he feels those too...

Owl City – On The Wing
Breathe and I'll carry you away into the velvet sky
And we'll stir the stars around and watch them fall away
Into the Hudson Bay and plummet out of sight and sound
The open summer breeze will sweep you through the hills
Where I live in the Alpine heights
Below the northern lights I spend my coldest nights alone awake
And thinking of the weekend we were in love
(The weekend we were in love)

Home among these mountain tops can be so awfully dull
A thousand miles from the tide
Put photos on the walls of New York shopping malls
Distract me so I stay inside
I wish the rocket stayed over the promenade 'cuz I would make a hook
And I fish them from the sky
My darling she and I were hanging on so take us high
To sing the world goodbye

I am floating away lost in a silent ballet
I'm dreaming you're out in the blue and I am right beside you

Awake to take in the view
Late nights and early parades
Still photos and noisy arcades
My darling we're both on the wing
Look down and keep on singing and we can go anywhere

Are you there
(Are you there)
(Are you there)
(Are you there)

Are you there
(Are you there)
(Are you there)
(Are you there)

Or are you just a decoy dream in my head
Am I home or am I simply tumbling out alone

I am floating away
(Floating away)
Lost in a silent ballet
(Silent ballet)
I'm dreaming you're out in the blue and I am right beside you
Awake to take in the view

Late nights and early parades
(Early parades)
Still photos and noisy arcades
(Noisy arcades)
My darling we're both on the wing look down and keep on singing
And we can go anywhere

Are you there
(Are you there)
(Are you there)
(Are you there)

Are you there
(Are you there)
(Are you there)
(Are you there)

The last few days have been nice… it Is the weekend now, so I know I probably on hear form him… and yesterday the ONLY text I got was to download and listen to the latest song there…

But on Wednesday it was so nice………he texted me and was like ‘I'm working so I cant talk. But I'm just saying hello. You are not forgotten’…..it was so cute… and I admitted I wish I could have hugged him… his response was ‘id hug you twice’

When things start to go well I always get scared… I'm scared I'm looking at it wrong. What if I read those lyrics and I think theyre good.. I think they mean good things that he hears that and thinks of me and us…..but what if they aren’t good? I ask him if its good or bad and he always says he doesn’t know … I don't know either…. But I think there is more good in it then bad.

It also makes me sad because we talk good for a day or two then it stops… and also ….iv been thinking… about other girls and him. I don't know if he’s still with her… or if there’s another one… or none.. what if there’s other people that are online too? I mean…. Ughhh…. =[ if he gets another girl then… I don't know… I just……….. =[ I don’t think there are words for me to explain….i guess id just rather him be with her for a long time… or no one.. or me would be most preferable.. but if there’s another one then its like… finalized no more us ever nevers and I cant….. =[…..

Also……tomorrow is a significant day that I have been sort of thinking about for months and months…. Tomorrow is one whole year since he told me he loved me. And I really do remember it perfectly. It was really really cute too…..=[

I want to text him because to me it is a significant day…..but I doubt he even remembers at all… not to mention I think he said THEIR anniversary is the 24th =[. Whyd she have to steal EVERYTHING I HATE HER………… even though I shouldn’t hate HER……… I cant help it =[.

Anyway.. it just… hurts…because it took him almost 6 months to tell me he loved me.. and only 2 to give everything away and break his promises to me and……….i don't know if that means she is more special so he went with it fast………or if I was more special because it was slow and important and meaningful…and I'm still way to scared to ask……..there’s lots of things I'm too scared to ask…

Sigh, and the other night, he was texting me… it seemed like he wanted to talk cuz he mentioned maple… but when I texted back he went cold with one word answers. I said I thought I was boring him so I was gunna sleep, then I said my cute goobyes and ‘don't let the boogyman scare the shit outta ya. Hes a tricky one he is’………he said ‘lawl ‘k’ … and I don't know. He was probably laughing at the boogyman thing…..but he NEVER lol’s or lawls…. So maybe that is why it seemed weird to me…?... but……. Lawls are good ……generally… right?

I'm hoping I'm just over analyzing things and I will hear from him mondayish and we will be okay over time….

=[. Just…wish me luck?.... I will try to update as soon as I can… hopefully with more goodly news and songs…and such.

Muffins……………I miser you………… manies =’[…