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So...I just called him
It was me that woke you up June 10th...Tuesday night at 12...well...June 11th then.... (would-have-been 15 month anniversary....)
I called... I wanted to leave him a message along the lines of... like
'hi J***** muffins. Its Julia ...I just wanted to wish you a good last day of school tomorrow...I hope you're okay..I haven't heard from you in a while. Like...3 weeks now... I think its because your back with her....and it really sucks because I really do care alot for you...and I try to stop but I just cant...I should go...I miss you....Goodnight'
I tried to call him for DAYS now. Its sort of like..my last chance to call him before the card expires...and I felt like my last e xcuse... (last day of school and stuff.....)
but as i dialed all the numbers and codes and shit for me to get hooked up to him through the calling card... and I said quietly...please dont pick up..please dont pick up...please dont pick up...
i wanted to leave a MESSAGE. I cant stand talking... I didnt want to hear his voice... I didnt want to have another thing haunt me of his.......I could barely handel the message...The courage it took to even dial his last digit.....sigh
But it did ring...and he did answer.... 'Hello' .. it rings through my ears over and over.... he sounds alot older than his age... it sorta sounded like I woke him up..........
I hung up.... and cried...I;m still crying... I wish I was brace enough to say something...anything.... just a simple...I;m sorry I woke you up... now he wont know its me... he wont know anything I wanted to say ... he wont know I miss him still...he wont know i still think of him....
maybe its better.............sigh.... fuck. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck .. i dont want to know his voice without him knwoing mine..but im too scared to talk to him for real.. i cant.. i could barely call for a message...besides...it is his last day tomorrow and... i dont want to wake him up again and... omg *cries* why me........ why did he have to answer tonight but not a few months ago when I used my cell so he new it was me trying to get through... does he really hate me that much? =(
its 1230.....ihave work in the morning.. or else id try again at 4amish............if he woke up then tho... i;d feel terrible.........
maybe he will text me before my bday...and i can say it was me... =( ... maybe i can try tomorrow ......... with a different kinda 'excuse'..... sigh. FUCK.
FUCK.
goodnight.......i will probably be up all night sobbing. =/ |
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Posted by Jewelz17 on 2008-06-11 00:36:35 | Rating: | Views: 290
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fuck!!
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Posted by cornfield
on 2008-06-11 01:14:26
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Jewelz17
Ontario, Canada
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