| Jesusmyvision's Blog Comments |
| Posted in
The Start Of Something New on 2007-09-24 13:38:11 |
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Bubba: Wow! I finally had time to read through slowly and take in what you have so bravely testified to. To get it all out is the first part of your healing. A good place to start.
One thing I need to emphasize is that when we have adversity in our past, we have to let it all go. Surrender it and don't go back to it. The past is past and we need to leave it there. All we have is this very moment. We have now and that is where we need to be in order for healing to take place. The future is an illusion of time and dwelling on the what if's keeps us in anxiety and doubt. The "now" is where transformation and healing occurs. I have learned from my own recovery work that we need to start where we want to be. If we want to be happy, we have to start being just that. Happiness comes from within and not from anything or anyone outside of us. We humans make the mistake of thinking that happines comes from things that we want and desire. This is really an illusion. We make our happiness conditional when we think this way. When we don't get what we want, then we are unhappy. Not good! Happiness is a choice and a state of existence, and it comes to us by choice and not by conditions. Start in the now and start by making the choice to be contented and happy in the moment. Our mind is a thinking addict and it is quite redundant. Most of the things we think about will be the same thing we think about tomorrow that is if we allow the mind to stay in its thinking addiction.
My healing began when I started controlling my thinking and being aware of it. When I found myself thinking negative, I was able stop the negative and redirect the thinking to something positive. The key is to keep the mind away from the negative and keep it on the positive. We do that by being aware and living in the "now." That's all we got is now.
Let go of all the bad things. Wipe your slate clean. Dwelling on things that hurt us keeps the hurting active. Let it go! Move forward in the now with intent on being positive and happy in the moment. Be aware of your surroundings. Take notice of smiles, of birds, of floweres, of all the natural beauty around you. Be aware of shpaes and forms and textures. These are things that keep you in the now.
Healing takes time and work. The mind is stubborn and resists change. It likes dwelling on the negative. Don't let it go there. Say to yourself, "right now, I can be happy or I can be miserable. I choose to be happy right now." This works but it takes work and effort. Your pursuit for change and willingness to change starts right now. Change happens right now. Not yesterday or tomorrow, but right now.
No quick fixes. That's a bummer. But we reap what we sow. If we don't work, nothing gets done. If we work, something does get done.
You have now. You have no past and no future. You have this very moment. Remember that.
We have absolute power over ourselves. That is the only power we have. We can't control situations or people, only ourselves.
Take baby steps. Take things one second at a time or one breath or heartbeat at a time.
You can do this. Adversity makes us stronger if we let it work in our lives that way. Let it work for the good in you.
Sorry for my lecture. I have been in recovery for over a decade and I have done alot of work on me. Lot of reading, counseling and soul searching. A lot of trial and error. All hardwork, but all has brought me much reward. It has brought me happiness and contentment.
I am here if you need a cheering section.
You are the light of the world,
Kim
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| Posted in
A new and improved me on 2007-09-24 12:50:54 |
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We applaude your bravery, Hails. I love it when someone can rise above adversity and persevere. Good for you! I look forward to hearing about your victories.
Keep up the good work.
Kim
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| Posted in
First Week on 2007-09-23 02:09:56 |
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That's wonderful news Chibi! I'm happy for you.
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| Posted in
Adjusting To Change on 2007-09-20 19:33:54 |
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We sure do go on. Yes indeed Shellyme!
Hugs to you,
Kim
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| Posted in
Addiction on 2007-09-20 01:59:24 |
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Somewhere I heard someone define addiction. . . We reach for things outside ourselves to make us feel better when we aren't feeling good. We go to that which makes us feel good. We keep going to this thing that makes us feel good until it becomes a part of us. Hence, without the fix, we now feel bad because that fix is now a part of us. When it isn't there we don't feel normal now. And here we have the birth of addiction. We have to have the fix to feel normal.
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| Posted in
signs must be very clear on 2007-09-19 22:56:43 |
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Amen!
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| Posted in
Back with a fever... on 2007-09-19 22:48:49 |
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Hope you get well soon Traveler. I never cared much for colds. Eat alot of tumeric(curry), ginger, and cayenne. All real good for colds.
I'll be back to take your temp.
Hugs,
Kim
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| Posted in
Opportunities on 2007-09-19 22:45:15 |
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This is wonderful news about this potential job opportunity. If you do get in, just do the best you can do and don't worry about the what if's. If its too stressful, you can always look for another position within the company or go elsewhere. Look at it as an adventure and the opportunity to experience, learn and grow.
I'm not sure why your maid is so nosey. Have you ever asked her why she is that way? It's good that you are able to call her on it and set some boundaries regarding your privacy. She needs to grow up a little bit and understand that repect also means respecting other people's privacy.
Wishing you the best Chibi,
Kim
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| Posted in
I will praise You in the Storm on 2007-09-19 14:48:53 |
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Wow Deb. Your words reached inside me and touched the very core of me. You have a holy vision that can only come from Him. I am so glad that you are taking time to journal it and share it with us. How does it the verse go? "Go and shine your light before men." Dear sister, keep on shinging that light! A loving squeeze to you.
Kim
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| Posted in
Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt on 2007-09-19 11:31:40 |
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Wish I could just hug all three of you. Group hug!
Kim
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| Posted in
My current mood on 2007-09-18 10:08:46 |
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I grew up with low self-esteem and I'm sure some of it was my inability to recognize that my parents were not perfect and had their own mind battles and feelings of inadequacy.
It is human nature to use others as a mirror of ourselves, but it is not healthy do so. Everyone has their own issues and tend to displace them on to others. So we end up taking on a warped image of ourselves if we use other people as a mirror of ourselves. Even as adults, we still hold on to the child in us who wants the approval of our parents. As adults, we can recognize it and change it.
Your Mom is obviously not happy with things about herself and her behavior towards you is really not about you, but rather about her. She is displacing her own self-contempt and low self esteem on to you.
Be aware of the fact that youu are taking on a warped image of yourself because you are using your Mom as a mirror of yourself. As a result, you are getting a distorted image of yourself.
I had to, as an adult, stand up to Mom in a loving way. I basically told her that I was sorry that she was unhappy and that, more than anything, I wanted her to be happy. I told her that no matter what I did, it would never be enough to make her happy because happiness comes from within. I told her that I loved her unconditionally and that no matter how hurtful she was towards me, I wouldn't take it personally. I said," I'm sorry you are unhappy Mom. More than anything, I want you to be happy. But it is not my responsibility to see that you are happy. That responsibility falls on you."
Mom changed after each of her girls stood up to her in a loving way. Mom, has since, come around and has turned into a really neat individual. She had it in her to change herself.
We can't change anyone. The only person we can change is ourselves. Do not take your Mom's issues personally. They belong to her and not you.
You go forward and find out who you are. You have control of your destiny and happiness. Grab on to that power, because it is alot of power that you have. You have your own life. Live it the way you want to and don't live it for anyone else.
Yes, we always will want to feel love from our parents. Your Mom loves you. She just can't work through her own issues and is therefore unable to show love because she does not like herslef.
Love thyself. To thy own self be true. You are a worthwhile individual. If you could get through all the distorted images you have taken on, you will see that!
You have two beautiful children who need you. You have your onw family now. Live for you and for them. Love for you and for them. Be happy for you and for them. You have that power.
If you need someone to talk too, both Alic and I are here for you. Feel free to mail us through thoughts.com. We are here to remind you that you are a beautiful individual and worth loving.
We care,
Kim
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| Posted in
My dog died today. on 2007-09-17 00:35:34 |
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Thanks Alice. I had a lab/dobie mix years back. When I had to put her down, I didn't hesitate one bit. Went right to the Humane Society and adopted Alexis. She was 6mos old and skin and bones. Apparently she had been abandoned. Losing a pet doesn't easier with experience. I told my neice that, with age, it seems the grief is more intense. I think its because I appreciate things so much more and do appreciate the companionship of a dog.
We have Shadow now. God heard your prayer!!!!!!!!!!!! Big hug for that prayer.
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| Posted in
What is your best day? on 2007-09-16 10:07:29 |
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Of course I don't mind. I don't quite know how I came across that web site, but I was doing my image search and discovered it. I have always been fond of the flash movies. This one just reached into me and touched my heart. Thanks for your friendship Alice. It's a treasure!
In His light,
Kim
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| Posted in
My dog died today. on 2007-09-16 09:56:26 |
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Thanks you two! Your caring words have lifted my spirits. Animal Control was here this morning to get Alex. I am feeling better now that this is done. I will make a memorial for Alex which will give me some closure. Yes, I will hold on to those fond memories. The worst is over and I am already starting to heal. Again, I do thank you for caring thoughts and words. This world needs more people like you two. You both have been a blessing to me. Thank you so very much.
Hugs to the two of you,
Kim
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| Posted in
My Christian Graphics on 2007-09-16 01:44:21 |
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Thank you ArinShmarin!
"Blush"
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| Posted in
All You Need is Love on 2007-09-14 00:05:31 |
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Scotlad has it right Angie. We love without conditions, which means without clinging. We can continue on loving someone without having them at our sides. True love doesn't cling. When we don't cling we can continue to love, yet remain contented in knowing that the one we love is alive and living somewhere like a song. I, too, have a soulmate that I love completely, but circumstances doesn't allow us to be together; hence, I continue to love and remain happy because I have learned not to cling in love. A love that does not cling brings so much joy and happiness. Love freely and be happy.
Kim
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| Posted in
My Christian Graphics on 2007-09-13 12:37:31 |
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Hey thanks Scotlad. Even I enjoy a pat on a back once in awhile. I'm glad you can appreciate them. You get a great big hug for your kindness. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug!
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| Posted in
My Christian Graphics on 2007-09-13 12:36:04 |
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Actually Deb, I don't use any Media player per se. I use Real Player for my Christian Forums.com homepage. I have Windows Media Player and do need to update that. I am one of the last hold outs and still have the obsolete dial-up connection which is part of my problem. I probably need move to DSL before I try updating. Using dial up takes a looooooooooooooong time to download updates. I count more gray hairs after I have downloaded updates. Teehee.
Let me contact my service provider and upgrade to DSL. I will get back to you on this. I don't even have cable TV or a DVD player. I hang with the obsolete VHS and network stations. Am I antiquated or what?
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| Posted in
First Day of Ramadan on 2007-09-13 01:01:25 |
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You'll probably be seeing more of me now that I have two weeks of annual leave. I can spend more time visiting with everyone here. I'm all for that.
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| Posted in
creation vs evolution on 2007-09-13 00:56:55 |
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I, too, hold a similar view. Haven't really thought it out, but the bible is all about evolution, change, and transformation. As humans, we are constantly evolving, but in Christ, we undergo a different kind of transformation - a spiritual transformation.
Eve came from the rib of Adam, but that also has a hint of evolution doesn't it? The amoeba evolves from a single-cell to a multiple-cell organism. There is, however, some scientific inconsistencies with the theory of evolution, so it is very hard for me to be definitive about creation/evolution and God. God allows for change in His divine plan, so I can hold to that thought and effect change within me by evolving spiritually, which gets me closer to God and back to my roots. We will never really know the whole truth about evolution, but anything that has been identified by humans has at its origin God; hence, evolution also has its roots in God, the originator of everything.
If that makes sense? I do agree with your thoughts on this.
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| Posted in
First Day of Ramadan on 2007-09-12 23:32:57 |
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At the prison where I work, we recognize Ramadan. We let the Ramadan inmates turnout for prayer when the sunrises and sunsets and we also serve a larger meal for them in the evening.
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| Posted in
Running For My Life on 2007-09-12 16:38:41 |
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Hey Deb: I tried to listen to your music links but I can't get my computer to play them. The songs are all broen up when they play at this end. I'm not up on media player and I don't really know how to fix my problem. I can't even get You tube to work. Got any ideas what I need to do get things to work at this end?
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| Posted in
Running For My Life on 2007-09-12 09:03:56 |
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Going there now. I have 17 vacation days from work. Hallelujah! Alot of singing, dancing, and good ol fashioned houwework.
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| Posted in
divorce on 2007-09-10 21:04:41 |
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Life is a beachball. We should bounce around joyfully. Nothing wrong with being single. I'm your age and have been single for nearly a decade. I haven't even dated. You know what? I'm the happiest I've ever been. People make the world go around, but we don't need someone at our side to be happy. Happiness comes from within. You keep bouncing down the road of life Beachball and enjoy the people you meet along the way.
Huggers to you my friend,
Kim
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| Posted in
The Death Of My Father on 2007-09-10 12:05:50 |
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You are both right. There is no greater love than unconditional love!
I have wonderful rapport with all my family members. Any conflicts are really not conflict if one just steps outside of oneself and into the other person. Understanding rushes in when we do that. Life is just too short to find fault and hold grudges, especially when it comes to family. Forgiveness is the biproduct of unconditional love. Fruit of the spirit is love, hope, and faith. The greatest of these is love (unconditional) Amen? Amen!!!!!
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| Posted in
school on 2007-09-06 14:19:57 |
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Actually, I envy you. I miss the classroom setting and here you are doing it. I am one of those who could have been a professional student. Something exciting about a learning environment.
What classes are you taking?
Hugs to you Sarah.
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| Posted in
first night without him on 2007-09-06 14:11:38 |
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I second that DifficultSoul!
Someone good, honest, kind and loving is out there waiting for you to cross His path. In time, you will look back and and ask yourself, "why was I even with that guy? Why did I waist my time."
Life is short. Your soul mate is out there waiting.
Kim
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| Posted in
im leaving him on 2007-09-06 14:06:14 |
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You are stronger than you think! Remember that nothing or no person can make you happy. It has to come from within you. I admire your bravery for making this step forward. It is a step forward for you. You may feel loss or lonely, but what I have learned is that it's the loss of the dream and not the actruall loss of the person.
You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kim
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| Posted in
suck and swallowing wasnt good enough. Now he want on 2007-09-05 13:18:04 |
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You can blame your self esteem issues on anyone or anything, but truth is, no one makes you do or feel a certain way. If you feel bad about something, it is because you have allowed it.
You say you love him. List what you love about him. I would encourage you to look at that love and ask yourself "is it really love or is it that I like the idea of being in love?" The truth is sometimes hard to take and I am not, by any means, trying to put you down. Loving someone because you are afraid to be alone is not a healthy attitude. If he was a serial killer, would you still be with him because you were afraid to be alone?
You have alot of work to on you because of your self-esteem issues. Counseling is the healthiest thing you can do for you. There is healing in counseling and there is alot of growth too.
I have been in abusive relationships, but I walked away knowing that what I was in was not a loving relationship and harmful to me. I may have thought I loved the persons, but because I felt that I loved them was not reason to stay in the relationships because they were harmful to me. You can love this man, but he is harmful to you, so why stay in that situation.
The relationship you are in is harmful to you. And really, one cannot love another until they learn to love themselves. I have done my share of counseling. I have spent years in recovery and it is nothing to be ashamed of for you to get the same kind of help. You are a worthwhile individual who deserves a loving relationship that is all about respect, sharing, and caring. Don't settle for anything less.
Fear of being alone? Is that life threatening? No! If it is not life threatening, then don't give into that fear. It's not worth the heartache and the agony.
You are indeed a beautiful individual and you need professional help to help you see that you are a worthwhile and lovely individual.
Love is not clinging.
I wish you true love, where your needs are met, and you are treated with respect. You deserve nothing less than that.
I hope that one day you can say I love myself and I don't need to settle for something that is harmful to me.
I have nothing but good intentions for you. You deserve real, warm, intimate, tender, caring, respectful love. You deserve that!
Hugzz,
Kim
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| Posted in
Friday the 13th happened on a Monday on 2007-09-05 10:33:13 |
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Humor is tragic if you think about it. . . and here we have a blessing. . .a person who turns misfortune into fortune. Sweeeeeeeeeeet post. Thankyou "not so overthehill."
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| Posted in
suck and swallowing wasnt good enough. Now he want on 2007-09-05 10:26:41 |
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I think you might benefit from counseling to help you see things clearly. The fact that you insist on remaining in this abusive and manipulating relationship, is cause for concern.
Sometimes, I get that maybe you are making this up. If you are not, please consider some counseling.
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| Posted in
Home Projects Never End on 2007-09-05 10:10:57 |
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Hi SayOk:
You and I will then say "okay" to housework. You deserve a big thumbs up. It's nice to find someone who enjoys a little hard work and sweat.
Nothing like a tidy house,
Kim
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| Posted in
Mighty Love - Devotion For The Devoted on 2007-09-05 09:03:52 |
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Thank you Saraswathi. My sister has a book about Saraswathi which I have read. I have also read La Loba. I found both to be enjoyable reading. I thank you for your humble nature and your understanding about faith. Your ability not to critisize any faith is wisdom lifted up.
Big Hug to you,
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| Posted in
ok on 2007-09-05 00:29:29 |
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Thanks for keeping us posted. We are glad you are back on your feet to do those baby steps. Hugs to you.
Kim
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| Posted in
FIRST DAY on 2007-09-05 00:28:14 |
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Like that Beagle in the corner Sarah.
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| Posted in
no anti-depressants please on 2007-09-05 00:25:19 |
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Not all antidepressants come with side effects. I've been on Celexa for 8 years and I am not a zombie. I run three miles every other day. I work 16-hour days and manage with 4 hours of sleep during my work days. Definitely not a zombie. Antidepressants lift you up and clear your head. Just got to find the one that works for you.
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| Posted in
Silver Lining? on 2007-09-04 16:47:04 |
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Chibi: I happy that you are finding some peace of mind. I was working in the yard today. Pulling weeds, raking, and then some. I thought about it in retrospect and realized just how peaceful I was. I attribute that peace to being in the moment and not caught up in wandering thoughts. My focus was on what I was doing and the things around me in the moment. Being in the moment is where we truly find peace of mind.
I will pray about that job you are hoping to land.
Blessed days to you,
Kim
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| Posted in
Psalm of Doubt on 2007-09-03 22:39:07 |
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How was your run Greenies87? Were you able to do any holy meditation on the run? Inquiring minds want to know. "Wink."
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| Posted in
Cyber Friends on 2007-09-03 20:37:57 |
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. . . and Deb. . that news is awesome to hear. I hope you stay in awesome.
"wink"
Kim
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| Posted in
i crack myself up! on 2007-09-03 20:29:33 |
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Hi Boog. We are our own best company. You are living proof of that. Knock em dead with laughter.
Hugs.
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| Posted in
wat to do? on 2007-09-03 20:23:43 |
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I'm sure you are aware that you have what is called ED or eating disorder. It also sounds like you are headed towards anorexia. I would suggest that you google bulimia and anorexia in order to get a better understanding on how it will eventually effect your overall health.
I'm not sure why you keep it from your parents. ED is a serious problem and your parents love you. Last thing they would want is for you to be seriously ill. Talk to your parents, so that they can get you going with counseling. You need someone to talk to you say. The best person to go to is a professional who can help you work through the underlying issues that are driving your ED behavior. The disorder is a harmful coping behavior. Goint to counseling you will learn how to cope constructively and learn to manage your ED. Please talk to your parents. They love you and want you healthy and happy. Most adults are fairly knowledgeable about bulimia and anorexia and most would go to the ends of the earth to get their children help.
I have done alot of counseling over the years for a condition called Body Dysmorphic Disorder. These behaviors are nothing to be ashamed of as so many people battle them. There is nothing shameful about getting counseling. Actually, it is an admirable thing for anyone to acknowledge that they need help.
Please talk to your parents, so they can get you some help.
Hugs,
Kim
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| Posted in
the unknown God on 2007-09-03 19:58:44 |
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Apostle Paul, a godly man at his finest. I do admire Paul's writings. Thanks for the post.
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| Posted in
Cyber Friends on 2007-09-03 02:15:53 |
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When we ask someone how they are doing, they usually respond with the standard "fine." You know what fine means? It means Frustrated, Irrational, Neurotic, and Emotional. When someone responds with "awesome" or "fantastic," we can bet that they really mean it. But when we hear that that "fine" . . .the truth is likely to be hidden.
Hugzzzzzzzz.
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| Posted in
My blog for Sarah on 2007-09-03 02:02:14 |
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Yep. You are loved Ms. Deb. Whenever I come across you here, it puts a smile on my face. If I could, I'd reach right through cyber space and give you a big hug.
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| Posted in
online dating on 2007-09-02 23:46:25 |
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Funny thing. He does put people in our paths. I was saved on a State van bound for a prison where I work. God placed a retired Marine in my path for this to happen. It was this one individual who steered me into the arms of the Lord.
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| Posted in
Sisters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! on 2007-09-02 14:53:21 |
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Forgive her and move on.
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| Posted in
im going to suck and swallow on 2007-09-02 14:51:23 |
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Because relationships are all about needs, I have to pose this next question. Does he love you enough to try and meet your needs and wants?
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| Posted in
Running In/With The Lord on 2007-09-01 14:59:37 |
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Thanks Boog!
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| Posted in
God's Miracle Gift To Us on 2007-09-01 14:01:58 |
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Thank you for sharing this deeply touching story. Hugzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Kim
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| Posted in
suck n swallow the follow up on 2007-09-01 10:34:47 |
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Love is not conditional. He'll love you if you perform some sex act that he wants? That is utterly selfish and manipulating. That is not love. He will not change no matter how much you think you can love him. He will not change. He is using you. Pure and simple.
And the conditions he has placed upon you is so very shallow and superficial. I don't think he is capable of loving anyone. Why would you want to be with someone that is so very shallow and selfish? It's not about whether he knows he is wrong. He doesn't care whether he is wrong. He doesn't care because he is not coming from a place of love. His place is self-serving and manipulating. This is not love.
You deserve so much better. He will not change. YOu will end up leaving him at some point. Better now, than later. By later, you waste so much precious time. Life is short.
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| Posted in
day.....4 on 2007-09-01 10:17:49 |
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Sarah: I can only speculate what you are going through given my own experience with recovery. I know that when I started to really work towards recvery, relapses got harder for me because I wanted so desperately to be "normal." So when I relapsed, I crumbled and started feeling shame. I started feeling like I was a failure and that I'll never be normal. This type of thinking pulled me further into the pit and made my relapses harder to recover from. I eventually had to get to the point of "acceptance." I had to accept that I was not normal yet and that it was going take some time and work before I could truly achieve some degree of normalcy. I asked myself, "Can I live with my coping behaviors for the time being? Can I accept the fact that I will relapse until I work through the issues and pain that drive me to relapse?" My answer had to be yes because I had been living with my BDD for years before I started recovery work. I had survived the worst part which was the actual abuse. I had gotten through those years, so now I new that I could live with the behavior for a few more years until I worked through everything. So, I gave into acceptance. I accepted that the BDD was a part of me for the time being and that I would have to learn to live with it for the time being. The acceptance took away the pain and torment of relapse. I no longer beat myself up in shame and frustration when a relapse occurred. Once that self contempt went away, I opened the door to peace of mind.
Will you have to live with bpd and self injury. The answer is "yes" for now. Can you get better? Yes! Most definitely. Will healing happen over night? No!!!! It takes time to undo what has been done. And what has been done took time to come into existence.
I wanted a quick fix and it was that desire that created more suffering for me. I had to stop wanting a quick fix. I had to grow into acceptance. By acceptance we are able to end frustration and self-contempt. The screaming from within subsides.
So, I ask you to be patient with yourself and to work on acceptance. That is the first step to healing.
I'm thinking this is where you are at and what you are going through right now. I don't know for sure. You know.
Your first step to recovery is "acceptance" of your conditions - the learning to live with them for the time being.
We all care very much. You have made many friends here and please don't feal shame when a relapse happens. We all know that relapse is part of recovery. We understand. O boy, do we understand!!
Hang tough girl. You will get through.
Hug to you Angel Sarah,
Kim
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