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mistake

Well,
I have had a good-ish week, but am still feeling like I have to tick off each day as it comes or else I won't get through the month.

I am very stressed and I can see that more clearly now. I feel like I am holding my breath, but I am not sure exactly what I am waiting for.

This afternoon I have a meeting to discuss a cock up that happened last week. It was a major mistake, but as mike keeps telling me; it was a mistake and there is nothing I can do about it now.

I also have a fairly stressful weekend, with the young church day away tomorrow, which is fairly heavy on my shoulders. On Sunday we are also speaking at church about Mozambique which I am finding stressful as Mike is so busy it feels like rather a lot is on my shoulders in terms of the fundraising, and I haven't been very successful.

I want to withdraw from life a bit, and not take on anything more. But then I know that I am meant to be doing this 10k running race next weekend, and my friend Jo is coming home from travelling and she wants to catch up. My other friend Caz is in need of support, the house is a constant mess and the garden needs doing. I havent organised my trip to Dublin yet and we haven't even got half of the money together that we need to go on our trip to Mozambique, my grandma is ill, the dog is in need of some strict training, and I just want to run away and hide. My next exam is on the 26th June and then I am finding out if I have passed the year, and then I need to think about what job I am going to apply for and which direction my career is going.
I need to prepare a presentation for the international association of dental researchers in the next 2 weeks and I haven't got time to think about my psychologist appointment, nor have I the energy to deal with Mike's stress, or his not-eating, or my weight, exercise or our lack of physical relationship.

So in summary I am not coping.