I am actually really struggling today.
Mike and I are really riding the storm at the moment. I am doubting my relationship with God and I am feeling awful about drinking too much (again) last night. All mike's friends disaprove of me and I was a bit of a bitch to him.

We are rowing like Russian fighting hamsters. It is my birthday on Sunday, and Mike had forgotten. I think that I might be premenstrual because I am in such a deep low- the last time this happened I was just back from Majorca, and I honestly have never felt so far down- just before my period.  I feel constantly guilty and like I am just not managing. I tried to ring the GP this morning as I am having some pretty nasty thoughts, but there are no appointments. I am feeling really anxious and panicky- but can't make myself work or do things that are productive. I just want to take my mind off how crappy my marriage is and how messed up my head is.

I want to have a relationship with God, not just go to church, but I don't think I do.