Dear M,

This is the start to something new that I want to do and keep up with like I do my postings everyday.  What I plan on doing to taking the summation of everyday's effort scale and finding the mean for the week that way I have some statistics to look at based on my own individaul assessment of my performance throughout the week.  I will keep it broken down into two sections, work and relationship.  So, my average for this week in the relationship category was a 7.88 while my average for the work category was a 7.83.  As you can see they are approximately the same.  What I take away from this is for the last 12 days I have set out what my average is in the effort scale.  I hold myself to higher standards than I do the rest of the world, that is just my nature and this just proves my point.  An average of a scale based on ten would be half that at five, but for me on my scale of 1-10 the average is 7.  So an average day for me and two points better than the average day for a "normal," person.  But that is what I take away from my initial results, and this is what my results for the future will be based off of.  When I have bad days they will be lower than sevens, if I have average days then they will be sevens and when I have good days they will be above seven.  But with this result I will take away this.  I had a damn good week for the first time of tracking and giving myself scores.  I know in my heart I worked really hard, slacked off some but did what I had to do.  I know that I have been a lot more assertive with my coworkers than I have in the past, and I have never once since this started not gone for the hook because others were already going for it.  I have been the first one to move to the hook, so that others look at ME and have to decide whether they want to compete with me.  That may seem dick-ish, but I have to take those actions and extrapolate them to my everyday life in reality.  I cannot stand back in life and let others take what should be mine from me just because they are already going for it.  I need to take action, be assertive and really want everything I can get my hands on.  So, I have started doing the little things out here to really make a difference in my life.  The big question is how I respond when I am at the house.  But I plan on making my postes every night no matter how is has to get done.  As for Ragen, we have had some little tiffs, but we have talked about them and I have made head way there.  There was one night were she was mad at me because I was talking about emailing therapists and getting stuff set up for me and she retorted that I was being selfish in not even thinking of her with my actions and leaving her out of this.  But what she really was upset about was the fact that I was "flaunting," my actions in front of her face when she had made no strides in the right direction to take action to find her own therapist, and when she was telling me all the "false" reasons why she was mad I listened to her and read through the bullshit and came up with the right answer.  Go me.   So I am on the right track and making progress.

Today was a good day at work.  Not the hardest day out here though.  Just scrubbing.  Didn't do my best at everything though was kind of lax when it came to srubbing.  I did the best job I could do when it came to the stuff I was cleaning but I didn't do it at my fastest pace to get as much done as possible.  So I would say today a 5 at work.  Ragen and I didn't get to talk long on the phone, her phone died.  But she seems to be getting happier and she says she misses me so.  So I think we are moving in a positive direction.  Just an average day today 7.  Goodnight.