Dear M,

I use you tonight to collect my thoughts about what is going on in my life and in my relationship.  I have self destructed to the point where if I don't understand what is really going on in my relationship then she is going to leave me.  She wants nothing to do with me, unless I can prove to her that I really understand what is going on in this relationship.  

Let's recap.  Last night we were talking and conversation turned into her telling me about, what I am guessing, what she talked about some in therapy that day which was way she controls the financial end of everything.  She deduced that in her earlier life her controling, manipulative father who was an ass controlled her in many ways and one of them was with money.  Holding it over her head and making sure that she would do what he wanted or else he would quit funding her school and things of that nature.  So, in order to have control of that aspect for it to never happen to her again she takes care of our finances.  Previously she had been talking about how tight our finances were and how this month really sucked and all.  So when she finished her thought,  I agreed with her thinking she was right on the money.  I then proceeded to express to her my feelings about our money situation and how I wanted to be more involved.  Before I could get out the words I am upset she was already defensive and getting annoyed.  I asked why she was already defensive and she persisted that I finish my thought.  I did and she proceeded to get angry with me.  Claiming that everything is always about me and I can never let her open up to me and talk about her feelings without me trampling on hers.  I was talking about a subject that we have previously talked about in the past but tonight I was talking about it in a different way with different feelings.  She assumed I was talking about the past and with the negativity of the past.  So she shut off and didn't want to here anything I had to say right off the bat, and literally all I wanted to say was that I wanted to be more involved and leave it at that.  I tried explaining this to her, but she took it as me explaining to her why she shouldn't feel the way she is feeling and undermining the validity of her feelings.  

I have people waiting so I have to go.