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Well I would first like to start off by saying that before you read this poem, I would like you to know a few things. [I do not mean to offend anyone in this blog entry and if I do, I am so very sorry...] I am an aspiering writer and I have finally found something not depressing to write about. For starters, I do not judge any person no matter what they have been through and no matter what color, age, race, etc., so I would very much appreciate if you would not judge me. Second, I am not specifically straight and I am not specifically gay or bisexual either. I am in love with a female, and I am a female. I do not feel these feelings toward any other female but her and I am attracted to men. She is my best friend and the only person who ever seems to be there for me. She looks after me in a motherly way and we act like sisters. We have been together since April 13, 2008 and I love her more than anything. We have many plans in the future which is what this poem is about. My girlfriend has read this poem before and she thinks its really good which makes me feel really good. So please, comment me on this poem, tell me if you like it or not, what I need to do better, etc., and I need a little criticism to better my writing. Thank you.
"Walking down the beach
Hand in hand
Hair tossing in the wind
Feet being placed one by one
Sun blazing in the sky
Beats down on these two
Two beautiful ladies in white
Soon to say 'I do'
Quick glances
Turn into a silent stare
Beautiful faces
And an up dou for their hair
Shaking hands
And nervous beings
But they know this is right
They know their true feelings
Then legs begin to quiver
Walking slowly up the aisle
The music soon addresses
A calming notion for a while
Tears roll down their cheeks
As the ceremony takes place
While 'I do's are shared
They stand in silence face to face
The man says 'you may kiss'
And of course they do just so
Then you say 'please don't leave me'
And I say 'oh, no, no'
Now they are; two beauiful brides
About to share their life
'Come on, come in and stay a while
I love you with all my might."
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Posted by Jesskunup on 2008-07-17 12:29:40 | Rating: | Views: 143
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what a beautiful poem. so very touching. You have a way with your words. Dont stop writing. The way you express in the poem like you could be realy there when reading it.
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Posted by dream2believe
on 2008-07-17 13:28:02
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I really like it. You put emotion into your writing, so I feel happy and nervous at the same time while reading this.
Keep up the great work!
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Posted by ScarletBlack
on 2008-07-17 15:39:16
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This is really good, touching, like dream2believe said.
I don't think thereøs anything bad in it, or anything that you should practice on changing. You make beautiful images in few words, and that's great. :)
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Posted by Lollie15
on 2008-07-17 15:40:50
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Very beautiful!!
I felt very happy and excited! My wedding is coming up in 1 month so this really hit home for me!!
you are a great writer! Keep up the great work!
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Posted by Dogenthusiast
on 2008-07-17 15:53:41
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Lovely, descriptive writing, full of real emotion
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Posted by overthehillandfar...
on 2008-07-18 02:52:08
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the poem alone is beautiful
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Posted by good_news
on 2008-07-18 18:50:01
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i love this poem. its so beautiful.
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Posted by xmidnightxwingsx
on 2008-07-19 01:11:45
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I'm quite straight and i still found the poem beautiful, keep it up!
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Posted by Sunshine63
on 2008-07-20 20:13:27
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Beautifully written, well done :)
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-07-26 08:29:25
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Beautiful poem! You are a talented writer! Keep up the good work, and good luck with you and your g/f! :)
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Posted by Snapz
on 2008-07-26 11:49:02
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