I don't handle stress properly. I can't take this stress.. That berseker that I thought was gone is coming back.
It sucks. I'm losing myself again.. and quickly.

and i'm shutting down. I'm shutting down faster than I thought I would. I'm turning mentally cruel as a defence mechanism

You keep looking to me for answers. You keep looking at me with those sad eyes. With your testimony of love. You can't help your feelings, and I know that, but apart of me is still angry with you. Angry that you can't heal fast enough. Angry that you still persist to try to keep me when I am sending you the signals that I don't want to be kept. Trying to convince me that I will get over this. Telling me how and who I am. Having so much optimism when I don't want it. I can't stand all of your optimistic thoguths. Because I want nothng to do with it.

Looking at me for hugs and love. Looking for me to give you something I can't. To be someone I'm not. I'm not that girl. I'm not that mother theresa that will forgive and forget and all is well. I'm not her for fuck sakes. Why don;t you believe me when i tell you im a bad person.. what can i say to make u stop loving me? I need you to stop. It hurts too much.

I can't hug u anymore. It will mean too much to you.
I can't do this anymore.
Stop it.