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Why is it an old lover never leaves your mind? Or heart?
I was involved with a man, both of us in a loveless marriage.
Now, a year after we last spoke, I still can't get him out of my head or heart.
In the past year, I have learn of his lies, deceit.
I am still in shock with most of it.
He is currently serving time in cushy federal prison for white collar crime.
I never knew any of this. He lied to me as well as his ex wife.
Was the 10 yrs a lie? Were all the plans we made lies?
Why do I care? Why do I still love him?
I hear a song, drive by a place we use to go, or smell a scent. .
The feeling all come back.
My heart breaks all over again.
On one of the last times we were together he wanted an answer from me,
He wanted me to make a decision, am I staying in a loveless marriage or am I going to be with him.
I picked him.
I never got the chance to tell him.
He ended up in jail that night I was to tell him.
His soon to be ex-wife had him arrested.
Then a year ago December 31, 2006 I called him.
I left a message, told him he made the choice for me.
That my life is moving on with out him.
Now, its been a year since I left him that message and I can't move on.
He still haunts me.
I did some research and discovered the "time being served".
Then I wonder, if he ever loved me or did he want to protect me?
Did he ever love me like he said he did?
WHY should I care, why does it hurt?
Now I want to show up on visiting day.................Just to see the look on his face.
But I can't.
He has this way of getting to me, I can't tell that man NO.
I've never let anyone control me the way he had / has control over me.
I really just want to know WHY.
I need closure, I am trying to accept that I will never get it!
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Posted by Jeanie on 2008-01-17 20:15:04 | Rating: | Views: 203
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My situation slightly different, but I feel your pain. We need to remember that they want to hold us down. They know that they were an important thing in our life and know that we can't stop thinking about them. Mine, I think about him all the time and miss him dearly, but I then I look at the man I have now and how he treats me and I know it doesn't get much better than that. Just convince your self that you were what made him amazing and that you can find even better and you will. I wish you the best of luck and I promise you after searching you will find what you are looking for...In you I mean.
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Posted by ccareau
on 2008-01-18 15:24:18
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