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| My Right and Responsibility
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The reason I started this blog was in hopes to possibly journal some of my many soul-searching thoughts and also to share my spiritual explorations with anyone who wanted to know them. I think that it is very important to keep a journal because it helps us to see our life as its happening, to see our thoughts in a physical way. Not to mention the retrospect it gives us when we re-read what was going on six months, a few years or even longer ago.
I've always felt kind of silly writing these- even when its pen and paper and no one would probably ever read it. It feels like... talking to myself on the bus, or something. A little weird to hear my thoughts outloud with my eyes. LoL if that wording even makes sense to you. But something that's comforting to me about it is that I know that I should never feel like I have to give excuses or apologize for what I write (or my bad spelling) because its part of who I am. In our conversations with others, we know we must be careful. 'Dont say anything mean to others, you can't take your words back' people say, or 'You must protect yourself- be careful how you choose your words' But I think that in a journal we can relax, let this habit go and show ourselves with out apology. Its rather important actually. I mean, if you cant be honest about yourself and say this is me and what I'm thinking right now and I dont have to look good because I love myself the way I am right now. Its ok to want to change things about yourself. As long as you recognise that you are wonderful Right Now and that its ok to change or stay the same- just as long as you really do love and accept yourself and all your little... bits of character.
Tangents are my thing. I go off- I dont focus. That's why I write such long things whenever I do write. I could write for hours and never stop (sometimes I do when I feel like I can let the world go do its own thing for a bit- but that doesnt happen often) So if I start on one subject, I can promise you that usually I will end on something else that is just as wonderful later on. You could blame it on something like ADD or you could say its creativity. A lot of the time I catch myself feeling bad for other people because I write so long and they are going to have to "put up" with all the chatter. I know I shouldnt think that way- if they see its long, they can decide to read it or not. But I know people like the bottom line and short letters from friends. Well, I'm the same way of course. I cant stand having to read unbearably long emails from the same person all the time. I get restless and want to move on (mind, thats not the case ALL the time) so I think thats why I feel bad for writing such lengthy things because I know I dont like having to put up with it. However, if someone writes with a certian "style" or shows detail in an artistic kind of way... well, I cant help myself. I just drink it in and I want everyone else to love it too. My husband has to say "Yes I think its nice too" quite alot I'm afraid because I wont be quieted till he admits that its just as wonderful as I say. Its a game I play even though I know he doesnt care. It makes me feel better anyway. Lastly, I also find it hard to find a good ending to stories and letters once I start them. I feel like the ending words just kind of hang there, waiting for more to be said.
In the end, this kind of thing is always entertaining but I'm hoping to get more out of this. You see, it all started when I was surfing the web for no reason. I found this amusing little blog about energy work and I wanted to see what people were up to. Well it looked like the person who wrote this blog was giving experiments for people to try and they were loving it! I got excited then because when I saw the posts... well it was obvious that many people were "just starting" and it reminded me how excited I felt when I was first learning about everything... anything. I just ate it up like a hungry pup- I wanted to know more, to test my limits. So now, a few more years down the road from that beginning I want to share what I know and talk to others to see what they've done. Its what I want most I think, a community of like-minded people who I can really talk to and learn from and share my ideas with!
So naturally, I posted a few comments and soon people were replying with all kinds of questions that I've never thought of but right away I knew what I would say back and I really wanted to share- I wanted them to ask a new question everyday or post something that happened to them recently so we could talk about it. Personally, I think its easier this way -on the internet- than in person sometimes. Face to face, you and I would have a hundred ideas and judgements about the other person. It cant be helped- its really hard to be impersonal all the time. Online though! you have to take...the..time to write out what your saying and it makes you really think about what your words are and realise what it is your saying. Also, it gives a mysterious mask to show everyone where you are just a clean white web page with pixels of text and images for everyone to see. Its the mystery that gives us a chance to really hear one-another without judgement. There's a lot of messed up things about the internet but this is one thing that its got going for itself- and I think its great. People need to connect with one another more- the whole planet could use more of that connection we all crave but will not submit to.
It's late. Dont people always write online blogs late at night? LoL. Its a cliche but also kind of true? Next time, I think I will start a real entry. You always gotta start somewhere so this was just a place to start- instead of randomly just walking on-stage wearing a red opera dress or a rubber ducky floating device, you get a kind of introduction so that people know what they're going to see next (somewhat) and then decide if they want more or not.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy the rest of the upcoming adventures with me- I'm not worried about weather or not you like me or my writing. We can still be friends even if you dont like me one bit- I know that sounds strange but its a deal I have to make with myself sometimes. At times when I'm not at my best, I have to decide to still be my own friend even if I dont exactly "like" myself in that moment. Acceptance without excuses and expressing my needs clearly and quickly. Thats my current self-help goal. Its actually doing some quite nice things in my life right now- I never thought something so simple would feel this ..liberating. I like being able to say "I need this" or "I really dont want that" without feeling bad and also being the one to give it to myself instead of waiting on others to fulfill me.
"When I loved myself Enough,
I knew that it was my Right and Responsibility to
write about my thoughts, my dreams, my life.."
October 26, 2006
This was from a journal entry last year. I was taking a Authentic Leadership Course and we would draw these little cards everyday. They each said "When I loved myself Enough I...." and this was one of them- it made sense. Matching this with my current goal of self-acceptance and getting what I need by expressing myself clearly without excuses---- it just makes sense to keep this blog. Helps me to be a little bit more honest and free with my self expression, which is what I need.
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Posted by JanixMoon on 2007-10-09 00:01:29 | Rating: | Views: 42
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Great blogs! Its great reading some else journals. you sort of letting us know what's in your head………..its not a screwed up as mine
Hihih
cheers
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Posted by romi_arora
on 2007-10-09 00:59:42
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